Last month I started watching a show that left me questioning my whole life. That’s a pretty dramatic statement, but it’s also a bit accurate. I didn’t start watching it with any expectations or even with any context from a preview. I simply watched it because I heard the name of the show come up in three unrelated conversations so I took it as a sign I needed to give it a go. And boy am I glad I did. By the way, it’s safe to read this semi-review; no spoiler alerts are needed here. I am not giving anything away purposefully because if you haven’t watched it yet, you definitely should!
The show is called The Big Door Prize, and you can find it streaming on Apple TV. It falls into the comedy category; but don’t be fooled, it also forces you to think a lot. What I love about this show, as bizarre as it is at times, is that it is so real. It touches on some of life’s biggest questions that we’ve all asked ourselves at one point or another. Why am I here? What was I put here to do? What could I do if there were no limits? Which mostly are self-imposed…
The show also manages to point out how dangerously trusting we are of technology; yet, how that same technology has helped us in many profound ways. Additionally, it tackles how self-centered we tend to be as humans, while also emphasizing how compassionate we are when given the opportunity to operate as our best selves. (Heads up, you and I are the only ones stopping ourselves from operating as our best selves.) Lastly, it questions why we can’t be content with what is in the moment. Yet, it affirms how it’s also ok to want more for ourselves than what we once wanted. It also still managed to make me laugh out loud at least once every episode. Brilliant!
Lastly, what I found most intriguing about The Big Door Prize was that it was mostly unpredictable. And the times that it was predictable were definitely on purpose. That makes for some entertaining TV. The ending of the season left more questions than answers, which surprisingly left me hungry for more. It’s no surprise, however, that Apple quickly picked it up for a second season before the first season was complete.
Whether you are a TV watcher or not, I definitely recommend giving The Big Door Prize a shot. Even if you aren’t amused, at a minimum you will be encouraged to ask yourself some questions that might just generate some aha moments for your life. That’s certainly a prize worth winning.
What would you do if you knew EXACTLY what you COULD do? Which door would you CHOOSE?
El Cielo also offers 13 and 10-course tasting menus for the not-as-adventurous foodies.
I had another “first” experience recently, so naturally I couldn’t wait to tell you about it. Normally I’d tease out the suspense, but since I have so much to share I’ll get right to it. I had the opportunity to indulge in a 20-course tasting experience. (All foodies collectively swoon here!) If your eyes widened and your mouth watered a little bit, you had the same reaction I did when I first heard about Elcielo Restaurant in my hometown of Washington, D.C. This quaint, Michelin-star restaurant serves Colombian cuisine and offers a unique fine dining tasting experience that you will be sure to never forget.
If you’ve experienced, or have at least heard of a tasting with courses in the double digits, consider yourself fancy. But for the majority of you reading this blog, prepare to be just as impressed as I was by all Elcielo has to offer.
Don’t worry, I won’t ruin all the surprises for you by documenting each part of the 20-course menu. I will, however, document some of the highlights here, just in case you decide to indulge.
It’s the details for me…
Let’s start with how much attention to detail was evident with every course. They say you eat with your eyes first, so Elcielo certainly knows how to make a great first impression. The presentation with each course was superb. Each plate was so beautifully decorated and well thought out that it had you savoring each bite, while also eagerly anticipating the next dish. They don’t call it the Elcielo “experience” for nothing.
I loved how with each course, our server thoroughly and carefully explained the dish and shared the history or thought behind its conception. It’s as if they are fully invested in you getting as much as you can from your time there so that you can leave full, both literally and figuratively.
This fish dish was my least favorite of the 20 courses but it was beautifully plated.This small bite of tapioca & foie served a powerful punchI can’t say that I’ve ever seen or heard of tuna tartare served thtis way.One of the most beautiful dessert dishes I’ve ever seen…and everything was edible!This fun, tasty dessert made me feel like I was back on the beach in Cartagena.
I should also point out that this is not an experience for gluttons. Rather, this is an experience for the adventurous. They call it a tasting menu, because it’s just that. You get to taste, or small bite, of a variety dishes as they take you on a journey of different scents, sights, and tastes you’ve never had before.
And the winners are…
There was not really anything I didn’t like on the menu, but a few of the dishes shined above the rest. My absolute favorite dishes were the Truffle buñuelos, Guajira’s dry shrimp rice, Tree of Life, the corn soup (believe it or not), and the quail, wild onion & rice.
Corn Soup: This dish sounds plain, but the flavors were far from it. I’m not much of a corn chowder person, which is what I thought it would be when I saw it on the menu and looked at it. But, I think this was one of my favorites because of how pleasantly surprised I was. I ate every drop.Guajira’s dry shrimp rice: This fritter, for lack of a better word, made of fried dough had the most delicious shrimp and rice filling. It was so good, my bestie and I considered asking if we could get another order. But the menu called out to us, “But wait, there’s more!” And indeed, there was.Tree of Life: This flatbread with four cheeses and a perfect combination of herbs and spices was absolutely delicious. It was served with a creamy garlic cilantro spread that was to die for!Quail, wild onion & rice: I was not prepared to be wowed by this little game bird as much as I was. The meat was so tender and flavorful and it was perfectly complimented with a delicious wild rice and yummy sauce.Truffle buñuelos: I haven’t yet met a truffle I didn’t like, but this one was different. It looks like a plate of rocks, but if you look carefully, you’ll see a delightful finger-sized morsel that had a gooey center that literally melted in our mouths with one bite.
I would also be remiss if I did not mention the Coffee field. It was an elaborate display of the Colombian coffee-making experience that included sights, smells, tastes, and a few other sensations that are hard to describe. A photo would not have done it justice.
Roundabout course 7 or so, my bestie and I looked at each other with faces of overwhelm. We asked each other, how in the world is there more? Some of the dishes were more than just a couple of bites, so we made it a point to pace ourselves and try not to eat all of those dishes. We won and lost some battles lol.
What I was not impressed by…
My $15 mocktail lol
I only had one source of complaint for this restaurant. From time to time, I’ll lay off the adult beverages and opt for mocktails. Imagine my surprise when I looked at the bill and saw the mocktail had an upcharge on it – an extra $5 itemized as “Don’t Take.” Of course, I had to ask the server what that meant. Do you know they charged me an extra $5 to NOT put alcohol in my drink? (Insert shock and awe here.) The audacity.
Fortunately, I had experienced some of the best food of my life, so I decided to remain in a space of gratitude. Needless to say though, it’s not something that I’ll easily forget and most certainly had to share!
You get what you pay for…
As you can imagine, an experience like this is going to cost you. In fact, your meal is paid for at the time of the reservation, and they do not allow you to cancel and get a refund. You either have to reschedule (but make sure you do it more than 2 days in advance) or transfer it into someone else’s name. So make sure you’re committed before you go.
That being said, I would only recommend this restaurant for true foodies, and those with a fair amount of discretionary income. For two people with tax and gratuity charged before you step foot in the restaurant, it will cost you about the price of a two-night stay in a four-star hotel these days. Perhaps it’s something you reserve for a very special occasion. I don’t know what the value of an experience like this is worth to you, but what I can say is that if you do choose to indulge, you will not be disappointed!
Beautifully plated bison dish with potatoes and veggies.A thoughtful Colombian nod to the DC Cherry Blossoms.This lobster ceviche roll was one of the runner ups as my faves.Clearly my bestie and I left happy lol.
It took me a year but I made it back home! Home sweet home away from home that is, and for me, that is Anguilla. Last year, I did something that I’d never done before. I visited a place I’d never been to and immersed myself in the culture for an entire month. I enjoyed it so much, I vowed to return and promised there would be a part three that would share even more goodies about this quaint, beautiful island country.
In Part One and Part Two, I shared all about the culture, the people, the unique places to visit, and some helpful tidbits on what to know before you go. Well, guess what, there’s more where that came from! On my return visit this January, I reveled in some of my favorite spots and found some new ones that I’m excited to share with my Golden Life tribe.
Before I share more, here are the Cliff Notes on my impression of Anguilla. If you are a beach bum, who loves relaxing on a beach, enjoying good food, experiencing live music, and taking delight in meeting new people, Anguilla should be on your travel list! But please make sure you have your coins together before you go.
The beaches
I mistakenly mentioned in my first blog that I hadn’t yet made it to half of Anguilla’s 33 beaches. I’d actually been to more than I thought! Sunshine Shack at Rendevous Bay and Madeariman at Shoal Bay Beach are still my favorites, but I did have some new experiences that I’d recommend as well.
Be sure to spend a day at Scilly Cay, a private island off the coast of Island Harbour. It is a quick (less than 10 minutes) ride away from the Harbour. In true Anguilla style, you schedule your boat by standing on the dock and waving to get the boat captain’s attention. Within 10 minutes your ferry (a generous term for a very small boat) comes to escort you to the island where you can enjoy a day of relaxing on the beach, enjoying a limited, but delicious selection of Anguillan fare and cocktails, play corn hole toss and other beach games, and be serenaded by an acoustic guitarist and vocalist named Terry. He actually reminded me of my dad in spirit, though he looked more like Harry Belafonte physically lol.
I heard the seafood on the island was amazing but the chicken did not disappoint! This coconut rum punch was so bomb.This little island is great for families
It’s important to note that Scilly Cay is not open every day of the week. At the time of my visit they were open Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. It’s best to check their social media to confirm days and hours.
I also enjoyed my beach time at Cap Jaluca on Maunday’s Bay beach. Though it’s important to note that it will cost you. If you are not staying at this 5-star luxury hotel, you either have to pay for a $50-day pass to visit or spend that amount per person at the beach shack. This is not hard to do with a couple of cocktails and an appetizer. It is a gorgeous beach with amazing views, but honestly, that’s not hard to find on this island.
This shrimp poke bowl was everything.
The restaurants
You know the foodie in me could not wait to get back to some of my Anguillan favorites like Sharky’s, Ember, and Dolce Vita. But lo and behold, I found some new ones that offered a new, and equally enjoyable experience.
Veya was so nice, we had to experience it twice on this visit. This is a new restaurant that opened since our last visit. Everything that I tasted on this menu from the salads and lamb chops to the sauteed snapper and even lemon ricotta flatbread was absolutely delicious. I also loved the live music that was offered during dinner by local artist, Omari Banks. Additionally, they have a downstairs lounge area that offers you a front-row seat to the live entertainment.
Not sure how we missed this well-known Anguillan restaurant on our last visit, but we made sure to visit Tasty’s this time. And boy did it live up to its name! Be sure to get the Johnny cakes, a Caribbean staple they do well, and the grilled lobster. I normally don’t go for a whole lot of extra trimmings on my lobster, like peppers, but it was superb!
Didn’t capture a photo of the Johnny cakes but the lobster fritters were delicious as well.
Another new establishment that popped up since our last visit was Savi Beach Club. So beautiful! It was intended to have a similar vibe to the infamous Nikki Beach Club. It doesn’t quite hit the mark on yet, but I truly enjoyed my experience. The sushi was delicious and the dinner vibe was dope. We didn’t get to experience the day vibe because the weather wouldn’t let us be great on the day we planned to go, but I do plan to go back!
(Fun tidbit, the Real Housewives of New York were filming there on the night we visited. They were the reason for us not getting to experience live music there that night.) They were at the table to the far left of us.
Last but certainly not least, the dinner experience at Blanchard’s is worth noting. Last year, we could only make it to the beach shack, but the restaurant is a whole other experience. Literally, everything we tasted from the Caesar salad and the Spanish dates to the red curry mussels and spiced pork ribs was amazing! A return visit is in order.
The nightlife
On this visit, we scheduled restaurant reservations around when we knew there would be live music. So even some of the restaurants we’d been to before like Sharky’s and Dolce Vita felt like a different experience once the live music was added. By the way, I wouldn’t recommend Dolce Vita on a Friday night, unless you’re a fan of loud karaoke nights. I’ll just leave it at that.
If you’re a live music lover like my family is, be sure to check out Anguilla’s hometown favorite Bankie Banx’s Dune Preserve. Think who Bob Marley was to Jamaica. That’s who Bankie Banx is for Anguilla. He performs there most weekend nights and features special guests, like his son Omari Banks, who we saw at Veya. Like many Anguilla establishments, it’s right on the beach and it’s a whole vibe.
So enjoyed hearing and meeting local artist Omari Banks.Bankie Banx show was so great we stayed for two sets and got to meet him afterward.
If you’re interested in planning your restaurant visits around live music like we did, I recommend following the Anguilla Tourist Board. They offer a weekly schedule of live entertainment.
As you can see, for a small island, Anguilla has a lot to offer. As it is my home sweet home away from home, expect more new finds from future visits. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram @goldenlifeventures for more.
Recently a friend made a statement in a social media post that caused me to pause and ponder. She expressed that she doesn’t know anymore if everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things happen because people screw up. No lies told there. I see where she was going with that statement, and to a certain extent, I agree. But I believe both can be true and here’s why.
When people make this statement it’s often an attempt to offer some type of comfort when the inexplicable, unwanted, or unthinkable happens. It’s meant to underline how little we as humans control here on this earth. It’s how we, in our limited understanding, attempt to explain God’s sovereignty. It’s our way of saying “God works in mysterious ways.” And indeed He does, but not always in the ways that we think.
God created us in His image. He created us with the ability to create and operate autonomously. He also gave us this incredible power called free will. And we all know that with incredible power comes much responsibility. We must understand that our actions, our words, and our behaviors all have implications. To my friend’s point, we can potentially be the cause of something good or bad happening in this world that affects others. That’s why we have to be careful with our free will and not use it recklessly.
Now you may ask, what about God’s sovereignty? How does that play into our power and responsibility? He is both omniscient and omnipresent and He exists outside of what we know as time. That means He sees all things, before and after they have happened in our time. He is also with us in the present while they’re happening. And because He knew the beginning from the end, He knows exactly how to orchestrate all things for our good according to His purpose, including those screw-ups my friend referenced. So it’s true, the reasons for things happening are not all mysterious. Sometimes they’re not all inexplicable acts of God, but we better believe He’s included all of them in His plans for our lives.
I believe He designed things this way so that we would live life in relationship with Him. He sees all things; He knows all things; He is, in fact, all things. And He’s invited us into a relationship with Him so that we can know His will for our lives and glorify Him with it. He wants us to learn how to follow Him.
Does that mean that if we’re in relationship with Him and follow His will that we won’t make mistakes or have hardships as the result of things outside of our control? Absolutely not, because we are flawed beings with limited understanding, living in an imperfect world. But I believe when we live our lives in collaboration with Him, we will find ourselves both covered and comforted. We may not know the reasons for everything that happens in this life, but at least we’ll be walking with the One who does.
We use the word passion to describe a lot of things in our world today. That thing that excites and inspires us even if we aren’t getting paid to do it. That burning feeling we feel for someone who delights us romantically. That strong desire we have for something that seems indescribable.
Yet, the etymology of this frequently used word is strikingly different than how we use it today. The word passion originated from the Latin word that means to suffer, or in biblical terms, to endure suffering. Hence why this week is commonly referred to as Passion Week. Also called Holy Week, this week between Palm Sunday and Easter is recognized by Christ’s followers around the world to honor Jesus Christ’s ultimate sacrifice and triumph over death.
As I reflect on the culmination of this Lenten season, acknowledging the significance of my savior’s final days on Earth, I feel the tension of this season. Just as there is a dichotomy that exists between the word that is used to describe this sacred week and how we use the word today, there is a dichotomy between the feelings that this time period evokes. On one hand, as a Christ follower, I am called to feel the heaviness of Christ’s final days as He was subject to betrayal, persecution, and ultimately intense suffering. However, I’m also excited, joyful, and hopeful because I know how this story ends. He has risen!
There was pain and anguish, but there was also a celebration of life. There was suffering, but there were also miracles. There was sadness, but there was also joy. There was a crucifixion, but there was also a Resurrection.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t help but bask in the joy of this season. I’m extremely grateful that my deliverance is not based on anything I did, but rather on what He did. I’m delighting and rejoicing in the fact I am His, and because I am His, I am saved and will have eternal life in His Kingdom. That is the type of joy that supersedes any and all circumstances here on Earth.
Someone reading this blog may be feeling a different type of tension. If you are currently not just feeling the heaviness of Christ’s sufferings, but of your own, I’d like to encourage you. First, you are not alone in your suffering. One of God’s many promises was that He will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8). He is right there with you in your suffering.
Secondly, if you are reading this message it means that you are still living. And if you are still living, that means that God is not finished with your story. He has you here for a purpose and He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).
Lastly, know that even your pain is purposeful. Just as Christ’s suffering had a purpose, so does yours. Romans 5:3-5 tells us that we can rejoice in our trials and sufferings because they build endurance, which then produces spiritual maturity and character, which in turn strengthens our hope and confident assurance of salvation. He promises that this hope will not disappoint us and God can indeed be trusted to keep His promises.
Because our Father and Savior Jesus Christ has suffered, He knows all about suffering and can comfort you through whatever you’re going through. He sees every tear, hears every groan, and understands every disappointment. This season will not last forever. Trust in Him, and He will renew your strength and restore your joy.
I had a “Lessons in Gratitude” post all planned out. Thankfully, a retreat I attended interrupted my regularly scheduled programming.
We can make our own plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
Proverbs 16:9
This season of my life is driven by these words – “Listen. Trust. Obey.” This blog post is an attempt to honor the Holy Spirit’s directive.
I attended this retreat because 1) a wonderfully gifted girlfriend posted it on her social media and I knew whatever she was involved in was going to be amazing. And 2) candidly, it’s been a challenging season. I felt the spirit nudge me toward it because I desperately needed it. I believed it would be soul-nourishing, refreshing, and replenishing and indeed it was.
From my conversations with people from all generations, backgrounds, and genders lately, I’ve heard and felt a spirit of heaviness. And yes, even as an abundant life enthusiast who exudes peace, joy, and light, I can honestly say that I’ve felt this heaviness personally. So when the promotion for this retreat promised a day filled with intentional self-work, radical self-care, and revolutionary self-love, I said inwardly, yassss sign me up!
Our facilitator Jessica welcoming and introducing us to being SELF-ish’
There were many beautiful aha moments and nuggets that I took from this experience. I get the title of this retreat may be deceiving (I’ll get to that in a minute). But, immediately upon surrendering myself to the moment, I knew I wanted to pay it forward. Share all the yummy goodness that I received from it with my beloved tribe.
Of course, there is nothing like the power of experiencing something for yourself. But, let me share a few insights with you that I hope will have power for you, nonetheless.
In a vision book exercise facilitated by my friend Michelle McKinney who spoke at the event, I was instructed to look at all the roles I take on and operate in. Business owner, ministry leader, volunteer, travel consultant, public relations consultant, friend/family member, etc. (there’s a whole list chile). I realized the majority of these roles involved me giving a lot of my time, attention, and focus (thus, myself) to others. And that is not a bad thing. But, it wasn’t until I read her example role of self-caretaker that I realized I wasn’t on my own list of priorities. No wonder I felt so depleted.
My beautiful friend Michelle who gave an incredible workshop on vision casting.
If you are someone like me who often tries to pour from an empty cup, I have news for you. Your love and care for yourself need to be prioritized too. And I don’t just mean setting aside time for physical rest or pampering yourself with massages and pedicures here and there. Although those things can be a part of an amazing self-care regimen. I mean intentionally looking at yourself as a priority and asking, “what is it that I need to be and live out the best version of me?” Then make a commitment to yourself to do those things…consistently.
It was a year ago that I first did this exercise with Michelle’s Vision Playbook. (By the way, be sure to get yours, it’s amazing!) Clearly, I needed to be reminded of how important that CONSISTENTLY part was. I also had to recognize that as I grow, my challenges will manifest at the level of that growth. That means I have to be prepared to reevaluate what my self-care looks like regularly. Hence, the beauty of this retreat. The most powerful nugget I received was recognizing what this next level of caring for myself can and will look like.
As each person’s life and journey are uniquely different, I can imagine the myriad revelations that came out of this experience. But I’ll close with a few quotes and insights that encouraged me and supported my empowering aha moments. My hope is that at least one, if not all, will resonate with you in some way.
If I release the spirit of “should” and “have to” and replace them with “could” and “want to,” I can operate from an entirely new perspective that motivates and excites me.
Be yourself. Face yourself. Pace yourself. Healing starts within.
Everything I’m looking for is within me.
Setting boundaries and telling people no is not negative. It gives someone else another avenue and opportunity to be creative and make something happen for themselves.
Trust yourself and be kind to yourself.
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Self-care is about taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
Be patient with yourself and give yourself grace.
Wellness is my birthright!
You are better off than you think you are.
Whenever you’re doing the work growth is happening (whether you see it or not).
Just about a year ago, my favorite traveling buddy and I took a trip down US-29 to one of our favorite road trip destinations – Charlottesville, Virginia. Considering our affinity for fall foliage and our love of good vibes, views, and vino, our return trip was a no-brainer. (If you haven’t yet read or need a refresher on my blog post from our first visit, check out Time for Wine Part 1.)
Even if you aren’t wine aficionados like me and mom, don’t stop reading! This region, and even the wineries, in particular, have a lot to offer anyone who can appreciate the tranquility of the charming countryside. If you are looking for a quiet, hassle-free getaway with dope views and good vibes, Virginia Wine Country should be on your list.
Veritas Vineyards and Winery
Our first stop this time led us to Veritas Winery, which is in Afton, VA, about 20 minutes west of Charlottesville. Out of the four wineries I’ve been to in this area, I would rate this one #1 as far as total experience. Not only were the wines delicious, but the scenic views were breathtaking, and the friendliness of the staff and the overall warmth of the surroundings made Veritas feel like home. In addition to the inside fireplace, we also loved the fire pit stations looking out to the lawn and vineyard, which is where mom and I decided to set up shop for the day. And what a gorgeous fall day it was!
Now onto the vino! Each winery offers different tasting options. Most commonly they serve flights, which offer small amounts (typically 1-2 ounces) of a selection of wines to try. Veritas offered two different types of flights, called the Classic and Reserve, both serving 4 selections (two red and two white, or a rose replacing one of the whites). The Reserve was slightly higher in quality, so if you know us you can probably guess our choice. This time the Sauvignon Blanc stole my heart, so much so that it came home with me.
I absolutely loved the attention to detail they offered in the description of each selection in the flights, which they called Taste in Place. In fact, I found myself serving as our makeshift sommelier by reading aloud the detailed descriptions as we sipped, which mom and I both got a kick out of.
We also enjoyed the food menu, which consisted of an assortment of cheeseboards, sourdough toasts, salads, and sandwiches, to accompany our wine selections. They also allow you to bring in outside food and non-alcoholic beverages.
Last but not least, if you are a person like me who appreciates good photo ops, this place is a winner! From the flower-adorned vineyard to the tree-lined frame, this vineyard offers a little bit of everything for everyone.
Keswick Vineyards
This beautiful vineyard is located about 15 minutes from downtown Charlottesville in the heart of Virginia Wine Country. According to its website, it is “part of both the Monticello Wine Trail and the Route 231 Trail, a protected tourism corridor running along the Southwest Mountains and proclaimed as one of the most beautiful drives in America.”
Keswick has an expansive vineyard, which made for some great photo ops as well.
It also happens to have the best of all the wines I tasted during my visits to the region thus far. At the other wineries, I loved one wine and enjoyed the rest, but I loved every one of the Keswick wines I selected. One of the things I appreciated most about this winery was that it offered build-your-own flights. The tastiness of all the wines made it difficult to choose, but the red medium-bodied Norton was the ultimate winner for me. I recommend the Viognier here for anyone who prefers sweet wine.
This winery doesn’t have many substantial food options, so bringing in your own food is ideal if you want to spend a day there. They offer light snacks like an assortment of cheese and chocolate, and they just so happen to have the best white cheddar popcorn we’ve ever tasted. You’re welcome!
Additionally, I want to offer a special shout-out to Ron, who assisted us. He offered mom a few complimentary tastes in order to select her glass of wine, and even made a special blend for her.
It’s also important to note that we visited this winery on a particularly crisp fall day and they did not have fire pits or a working fireplace at the time. Sitting in the sun made the cooler fall temps more bearable, but we also had to compete with some pretty aggressive bees for the sun. By the time we return, they plan to have their heated glass-enclosed area in place and a propane refill for their outdoor fireplace.
Considering there are more than 40 wineries in the area, we still have a lot of ground to cover, but we’re happy to continue to do the research for you. Stay tuned for part three coming soon!
I’ve been dating for more than half my life and I must say, it’s still an exhausting enigma to me. It’s constantly changing, some would argue for the worse, yet somehow it’s managed to stay the same. One area that’s remained the same is the blame game.
Hurt people hurt people right? We’ve all heard that before, and I would venture to say that it’s true. Broken women hurt men and broken men hurt women. But, which came first? The broken men or the broken women?
There could be whole dissertations arguing each of those cases. But, can we consider that there is no one gender responsible for the issues of today’s dating culture? Could it be that we are asking the wrong questions? We seem to be so focused on who’s wrong that we are missing how we can make it right. I wonder what the dating culture would be like if we removed blame and took personal responsibility for each of our own actions.
What is love? An age-old question whose answer is not as elusive as we make it out to be. According to the first book of Corinthians, yes it says that love is patient and kind. But if you read a little further down in that scripture it also says that it does not keep a record of wrongs. But when we blame each other for what’s wrong we’re doing just that. And that’s not love, nor is it new.
This has been happening since the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent for the mess in which they found themselves. Neither of them took personal responsibility for their contribution to the matter at hand. Sounds familiar right?
Quite frequently I have conversations with single people of both genders, in all age groups, from never been married to divorced. One constant that I’ve heard is that dating is hard, and the why is mostly because of the opposite sex. Women don’t know what they want. Men don’t want to commit. Women are too independent. Men are not stepping up. Neither of them can be trusted.
By the way, none of these blanket statements are the truth. There are a lot of dope single men and women who could actually be really good together. But we’re having a hard time finding each other because many of us have convinced ourselves that the opposite sex is the problem.
I get it. These general conclusions are all coming from a place of experience, and thus a place of some type of hurt. We can’t stop people from getting hurt; that’s just what happens in an imperfect world. But what if we chose to stop perpetuating the vicious cycle of the blame game? What if every time we had a failed relationship or dating experience (outside of any type of abuse), we evaluated it independently of past failed experiences and from the lens of personal responsibility? What if we stopped adding up evidence to prove ourselves right and truly started operating from a clean slate every time we dated?
I admit I’m far from having all the right questions or answers when it comes to dating and relationships. As I stated earlier, much of it is still an enigma. I also don’t want to seem as if I’m trying to oversimplify a much more complex issue. But one thing I do know for sure is that as a culture, as a society, as a generation, we’re our own problem and solution when it comes to matters of love and relationships.
Do you know where the Holy City is? Transparently, I didn’t know prior to visiting Charleston, South Carolina that it bared that nickname. Apparently, it’s one of those IYKYK (if you know, you know) things, and I appreciated that it was one of the many new things I learned while visiting.
If you’re anything like me your next question might be a derivative of why in the world is it called the Holy City? I’m glad you asked. It leads me to the first of the many things I loved about this beautiful Lowcountry city that has become over time one of the top travel destinations in the world.
1. Soak in the rich history.
The first thing to note about Charleston is that it is steeped in history. I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that much of that history is marred by the city’s significant role in the slave trade. Trust me, that fact is not lost on me as an African American woman. Nevertheless, somewhat ironically, this city is also well known for its role as a safe haven for those seeking religious tolerance and freedom. Hence the name, the Holy City. This was one of the many things I appreciated learning while enjoying a horse-drawn carriage ride around the city, one of the popular things I recommend doing while visiting. Prepare to be educated and entertained! On this tour, we had an opportunity to survey the beautiful architecture of historic churches and synagogues that are prevalent in the historic downtown area, also known as The Peninsula. It was also super cool to see in person the strikingly beautiful signature pastel homes for which Charleston is also well known.
2. Delight in delectable cuisine.
Over the years Charleston has also become quite the popular culinary destination. In fact, it was a major reason for me and my favorite travel partner’s visit. Being the foodies that we are, Charleston got a bump up on our travel list because of Little Jack Tavern’s award-winning burger. This delicious treat won the South Beach Food and Wine Festival’s Burger Bash that we attended in 2017 and we were hooked from there. Don’t judge us until you try it.
We quickly found that the burger was just the tip of the iceberg of all the award-winning restaurants this foodie town has to offer. We had the best beef brisket of our lives at Lewis Barbecue, the most delicious vegetable risotto I’ve ever had at Eli’s Table, and the absolutely delicious she-crab soup at Fleet Landing. I also recommend trying the shrimp and grits and biscuits at Toast. You won’t be disappointed.
We did have one dining experience that is worth noting was mediocre at best. We heard mixed reviews from locals about Hyman’s Seafood. Some said it was a must-try, while others deemed it an unworthy tourist trap. After visiting, I’m inclined to say that it was the latter. I know that there are much better restaurants to visit and I’m looking forward to trying them on my next trip.
Litttle Jack’s Tavern award-winning burgerThe delicious rissoto at Elis TableMouth-watering beef brisket at Lewis BarbecueScrumptious shrimp and grits at Toast
3. Spend a day at the beach.
Spend a day at the beach. As beach bums, we were excited to learn that Charleston has a nice selection of beaches. We opted to visit Isle of Palms based on a recommendation from a friend and the concierge at our hotel. I understand Folly Beach is nice as well.
I recommend if you want to spend a day there, schedule your beach chair and umbrella rental with Isle of Palms Beach Chair Rental. When they ask you where you want your chairs to be set up, tell them in front of Coconut Joe’s. This will allow you to be close to the public restrooms and you can enjoy lunch or beach drinks at this fun waterfront restaurant and bar.
4. Enjoy the live music.
Being the live music lovers that mom and I are, we were also drawn to the city for its diverse live music scene. We were happy to find that the weekend we visited, Forte Jazz Lounge was featuring a Motown hits show. Amazing! In addition to the phenomenal band, we enjoyed watching the audience members cut a rug on the dance floor.
We were also pleasantly surprised to be serenaded by a saxophonist and keyboardist during our delicious dinner on the patio at Eli’s Table. That contributed to one of our favorite dining experiences during our visit.
Listening to the dope duet featured at Eli’s Table
5. Partake in diverse shopping experiences.
If you love to shop, you’ll be in heaven on King Street. This bustling strip has everything from top name-brand stores and high-end specialty shops to one-of-a-kind boutiques and antique stores. It also boasts some of the city’s best restaurants.
We also enjoyed spending time perusing the unique crafts, artwork, souvenirs, jewelry, and other specialty items at the Old City Market. I was excited to get back home to try some of the spices I bought there.
Here are some other insider tips that are useful to know about Charleston as you plan your visit.
When to visit: We visited in the heart of the summer when the humidity was at its highest and the mosquitos and flies were the most aggressive. If you prefer milder temps, I recommend visiting March – May or September – November. However, this is also when hotel rates are the highest.
Where to stay: We thoroughly enjoyed our stay at the Hilton Club Liberty Place. What I loved most was the low-key, homey feel and its location. I liked not being situated in the hustle and bustle of the downtown area, while also being a nice 15-20 minute stroll (if not visiting in the summer) or a less than 10-minute ride away.
Getting around: We found that taxis were pretty much on par with rideshares to and from the airport, but for the shorter distances Uber was less expensive and more convenient. We also found that to be the case for our drive to the beach, which was a 30-minute ride each way.
Try out the Pedicab: Pedicabs, or bike taxis, are ideal if you want to travel short distances in the downtown area. It was very convenient, especially during the summertime when the Lowcountry heat can be treacherous. It is also a super cool experience, and might I also add, eco-friendly.
Check out the Hot List: We appreciated a Hotlist sheet of places courtesy of Eli’s Table. One of the great finds on this list was the rooftop experience at the Market Pavilion Hotel. It is listed as Grill 225 under upscale dining recommendations, which was a little too stuffy for our taste, but the rooftop area is a whole different vibe. It is open to the public, despite an intimidating entrance into the extremely formal lobby, and boasts spectacular views of the city, tasty signature drinks, and sexy summer vibes. It’s definitely a must-visit in my book!
We all want it, but what does it really mean? Joy, that is. Real joy. It’s an easy one, right? We probably don’t even have to Google it. It is simply a heightened state of happiness. Webster defines it as “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.” That sounds pretty awesome, right?
So what happens when we don’t get what we desire, or worse, we lose the prospect of possessing what we desire? Does that mean we can’t have joy? Hmmm…
I’ve got some good news. The answer is no! We can absolutely have joy, no matter the circumstance. You may be thinking, now how does that work? I’m glad you asked.
I’m grateful that I have access to joy at any time and in any place because the source of my joy is rooted in the one who created it. He is always near, and present. And in His presence is the fullness of that joy.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11 ESV
Some reading this may say ok that sounds really cute and spiritual and all, but how does that play out in real life? When I’ve lost someone or something dear to me, or when I’m exhausted and weighed down by the cares of life, how do I experience joy?
I believed it’s wrapped in the promises that God has given us. But the truth is, if we don’t really know Him or His word, how can we find true joy in who He is and these promises He offers? He has promised that He will never leave us or forsake us, He will strengthen us, He will comfort us and bring us peace, and most importantly, if we believe in Him He’s offered us the greatest promise there is – salvation.
Am I saying that those who intimately know Him and His promises never experience sadness or disappointment or anger or frustration? No, everyone feels those things at some point in their lives, if they live long enough. The good news is that when we feel those things, we can be comforted by the joy that is found deep in our souls from believing in and knowing Him.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV
That’s the type of joy that I need and want. Not the circumstantial joy that the world offers. No, I want the joy that’s found in the comfort of the Lord.
Five years ago I had an aha moment regarding joy that I often return to when I find myself slipping to a low place. In fact, I wrote a blog post about it called “A Lesson in Joy.” As I was preparing that post, I came across a definition of joy that speaks to the heart of God’s intention. The definition of joy offered by Theopedia (think Wikipedia for Christianity) states “joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is the settled state of contentment, confidence, and hope.”
That joy is not dependent upon my circumstances or the fickleness of my emotions or feelings. It’s the joy that comes from the Lord that lifts me when life feels heavy. It’s the joy of the Lord that comforts me when my anxious thoughts get the best of me. It’s the joy that is embedded in my heart, mind, and soul by the Holy Spirit that brings me peace that surpasses all understanding.
Golden Life Musings 