Love Lessons

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

My cousins who were celebrating their 62nd wedding anniversary came to visit my hometown of DC last weekend. That was not a typo. This couple has been married for 62 years. Being the curious person I am, you know I had some questions. I’m sure you can guess the first. “What has kept you together for so long? 

Minnie Lou and Alan Jordan

Before I get to their answers, I should point out that I haven’t written much about love here in Golden Life Musings. When I think about that it strikes me as odd because I like to refer to myself as a hopeful romantic. I love everything about love and romance. The mushy stuff and yes, even the hard parts, because I believe that’s what makes the great parts so beautiful.

Upon reflection, I think it’s because I’ve been waiting for my own love story to manifest. But the truth is, I’ve had a lot of love stories. They just ended more quickly than I envisioned. And while I’m “still single” as society keeps reminding me, I’ve learned many valuable love lessons worth sharing along with the wisdom of my cousins. 

Inspired by my cousin’s love story, I’m sharing 7 love lessons I pray will help you on your own love journey. (The first three are the ones they shared.)

  1. Communicate often. It seems so simple, yet it is also hard to do, especially when you’re in your feelings. Of course, every person has their own communication style, but it is important that when you’re part of a unit, you both communicate well. What does “well” look like you may ask? It looks like being honest and transparent, but also considering the other person’s feelings (no low blows). It’s being vulnerable enough to share when and how the other person has hurt or offended you without casting blame. You know you are communicating well when both parties feel heard and understood, even if there’s still disagreement.
  2. Forgive easily. This is a big one. When you love someone it is never your intention to hurt them, but if you stay together for any length of time chances are, you will. And how well you forgive determines how long you stay together. It is the responsibility of the offender to do their best to change their behavior so that it doesn’t happen again, but it is up to the injured party to forgive and let it go when they do. The longer you hold on to the offenses the harder it becomes to survive and thrive as a couple.
  3. Don’t be quick to quit. I know this is an especially hard one for the current cancel culture in which we live. The word toxic is thrown around so much these days it’s sickening. No pun intended. At the first sign of contention or disagreement, the first words are “I can’t.”  This culture has little to no “sticktoitiveness” (yes it’s a word now, look it up) with anything, much less in matters of love. Let me add, that while there are certainly relationships that are not meant for “til death do us part,” many could have survived if they had the perseverance and the tools. No one wants “struggle love,” but we’ve also got to understand that even the best of relationships have hardship and conflict.
  4. Know when to shut up. Some call it picking your battles. Yes, we should communicate often, but part of communicating is listening and having a discerning tongue. I admit, I haven’t quite mastered this one. And let me point out that none of us have mastered all of these lessons, including my cousins. That’s why you need the previous point and the next point. We are all a work in progress that will never be perfect.
  5. Give grace. You get to choose your mate but you don’t get to choose their flaws. Even if someone has everything you want in a mate, congratulations, you will also have some things you didn’t ask for – good and bad. The stuff you don’t like requires grace. And if you can’t accept their bad parts with the good parts, you should probably move along. There are always things we can improve upon and loving correction is useful. However, constantly highlighting the other’s faults and beating them up for those faults is the quickest way to sour a relationship.
  6. Love them while you have them. All love stories, even the good ones, come to an end. Since none of us know that end date, you should do something to make that person feel loved every day. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard both women and men speak with regret about what they could or should have done after a relationship has ended. If you chose them, show love to them. Because we each receive and give love differently, we must study and practice our partner’s love languages to ensure we love them effectively.
  7. Love yourself first. This may seem counterintuitive or self-centered to some, but having had the experience of loving someone who didn’t love himself I know all too well the value of it. When you love yourself you show up as a whole, complete person to your mate. God’s greatest commandment is in Matthew 22 where Jesus says, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.” If He calls us to love others as we love ourselves, we must first know how to love ourselves. It’s nearly impossible to love someone else well without that first love in action.

For more golden life ventures visit www.goldenlifeventures.com.

The Present Matters

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

In 2022 Mom and I started what has now become an annual tradition of spending the month of January on a beautiful little island country named Anguilla. To say that it is completely restorative and refreshing would be accurate, and also an understatement. This time away has become necessary for my overall well-being.

It is during these retreats I have been the most reflective and in turn, inspired. On this trip, I have thought a lot about what it means to be present. To me, it means being fully attuned and connected to the moment of now. 

Mom taking a moment to soak in all the beautiful scenery in Anguilla, even on a cloudy day.

The time away, which consists of longer periods spent disconnected from technology, always allows me to savor the “right now” moments in my life. In fact, we can call this blog post a Part 2 to Right Now, a post I wrote two years ago almost to the day. As I reflect on the contribution that our devices have had on our growing inability to appreciate the present, I can’t help but consider how we got here.

For a moment it seemed that the global shutdown helped us in that it forced us to interact more with our loved ones at home. However, one of the many ways that it did more harm than good is that it reinforced and exacerbated our deep dependence on technology.  

We have become so tethered to technology that many of us have forgotten how to be with each other. We use our devices as a crutch during silent moments. Our conversations are often interrupted by the sudden pings of not just our phones, but our smartwatches, which keep us constantly “connected.” Sadly, however, we’ve never been more disconnected. Our fixation with our gadgets has in many ways made introverted people more introverted and even caused extroverts to become introverted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticizing introversion. But when it happens at the expense of our abilities as humans to communicate with each other and appreciate what is happening right in front of us “offline,” Houston, we have a problem.

How did we get here?

One click…

One like…

One text…

One post…

One binge…

One emoji…

One reel…

At a time.

So how do we coexist with and benefit from technology while also remaining present to and focused on the beautiful moments in front of us? It probably looks different for each person, but I’ll start with a few of my own new habits.

  1. Setting boundaries around my technology. This includes keeping my phone on silent, only answering or responding during designated times throughout the day, and not letting every little ping interrupt me from what I’m focused on in the moment. It might even include at some point purposely leaving my phone behind at times. *Insert Gasp here.*
  2. Asking myself, “What is the present moment inviting me to notice or be aware of?” Searching for the beauty in each moment we get here on Earth helps me to value each minute I have. I’ve found most times, I don’t have to look very far for the beauty around me. It’s often in the people I’ve been overlooking when my face is buried in one of my devices.
  3. Changing scenery every so often. Going away to places like Anguilla is awesome, but not practical for everyday living. I’ve found that even just working from a new place in my house from time to time gives me a newfound perspective. And with a newfound perspective comes another opportunity to see hidden gems around me.

I always thought wasting time was about doing something pointless or unnecessary. Now I see the worst type of time wasted is experiencing each precious day on Earth that we’ll never get back again and not being fully present to the beauty of the things and the people around us.

We’ve seen movies and TV shows that point to the threat of technology completely taking over our lives. And yet, we seem to be completely unbothered by the fact that fiction is slowly but surely becoming our truth. 

So how do we fix it? I’m not here to judge or attempt to provide an answer because truth is, I’ve certainly been complicit in technology’s takeover. It’s a rhetorical question, but one I hope encourages all of us to ponder the individual roles we have in reclaiming our gift of the present. Because it is, in fact, a gift; and it matters to our humanity.

Tis the Season to Be Grateful 

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

I’ve had two revelations recently. One – the more I age, the more I realize how little I know about this world. Sure, I’ve become wiser, as we all should as we age. But the more I know, the more I realize how little I know in comparison to all there is to know under God’s sovereignty. Before I get all philosophical and Ecclesiastes on you – because that’s not what this post is about – let me share the second revelation. With each holiday season, the less I want and the more grateful I am for what I already have.

I’ve made this personal because it’s my blog, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not the only one who’s had this revelation. And while I said I was moving on from Ecclesiastes, I do want to point out something so wise, yet simple and still very relevant that King Solomon wrote in his nearly three-thousand-year-old segment of scripture. Most of what we treasure is meaningless anyway. Well, he said “everything,” but I’m trying to be a little less dramatic.

Before you get the wrong impression though, let me share why this revelation is so encouraging and full of hope. God has already given us the greatest and most valuable gift in the world. We don’t have to wait for it, nor do we have to do any toiling or spending to get it. We already have it. And that “it” I’m referring to is Jesus, in case you didn’t already know. Despite how cliche it sounds, it doesn’t make it any less true – He is in fact, the reason for the season.

I’ve believed in and accepted the gift of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit He left here with me as evidence of His presence for some time now. But the more I’ve gotten to know Him and about Him, the more I value Him and His sacrifice. And the more I value Him, the less value I place on the “stuff” of this world. And that is a gift in and of itself. It’s actually freeing to be more tied to Him and less tethered to the things of this world. 

But, let me be clear. I truly appreciate and am grateful for all the “things of this world” that God has allowed me to have. They have certainly made life more comfortable than it could have been without them. What this revelation has provided me with though, is perspective. And I think we could all benefit from a little of that.

Transparently, this perspective has helped me navigate this very uncertain and uncomfortable season I’ve found myself in recently. Without it, I honestly don’t know how I’d feel. But, what I do know is that I’m grateful. I’m more grateful than I ever have been. And yet, I have less than what I’ve had in other seasons of my life, from a worldly point of view.

I’m sharing this because I know that the more commercialized this season becomes, the harder it is for us to see what really matters, not just for the season, but in life. I hope my revelation has either reminded or ignited in you a fresh perspective that fosters gratitude. Whether you have a little or a lot of what the world has to offer, it truly always is the season to be grateful.  

For more golden life ventures visit www.goldenlifeventures.com.

My Real Trinidadian Vacation

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There’s nothing quite as powerful for a mindset shift as a change in scenery. 

This week I’m returning from vacation to a place that I visited for the first time earlier this year. I don’t normally visit the same place twice in one year, especially one that is out of the country. However, the first time I visited the beautiful island country of Trinidad, I spent the majority of my time working.

The purpose of my trip this time was a true vacation. Normally my vacations consist of ample time to explore and experience everything a destination has to offer. However, the hustle and bustle of my everyday life had me essentially limping onto the plane, desperate for some relief from all the demands of my life.

The words person that I am, I decided to look up the definition of the word vacation. 

It comes from the Latin word vacātiō, which means “exemption from service, respite from work,” and traces back to vacāre, “to be empty, be free, have leisure.”

I felt all of that on this trip.

While I intended to see a lot more of the county on this visit, it turns out, that’s not really what I needed. I needed to rest. I needed to reset. I needed to restore. I needed to be still. 

And still, I was.

I loved leisurely starting my day each morning with yoga and ginger tea.

I think many of us have come to believe that we always have to be doing something, even on our vacations. Some of us can’t even begin to understand the concept of having leisure. But recently, my pastor Keith Battle inspired me with his series entitled “Margin” to take a deeper look into why I was so drained and exhausted going into my vacation in the first place. 

I lacked margin – what he calls the space between our resources (skills, wisdom, finances, time, etc), which are limited, and our responsibilities (commitments and obligations for work, family, ministry, etc.), which sometimes seem to be never ending. For most of us, that space is non-existent, and even worse, for some of us, our responsibilities exceed our resources. This lack of space between our resources and our responsibilities is exactly what has the majority of us in a constant state of exhaustion.

Going into this vacation with a newfound mindset that gave me the grace and freedom to do nothing, I came back refreshed, renewed, and restored in ways that I haven’t felt from a vacation in a long time. If you’re anything like me, you’re likely in need of a do-nothing vacation too. I know, you may be saying to yourself, I can rest at home. The reality is that most of us don’t. We need that change of scenery (and climate for me) to put us on the road to recovery.

A return visit to Maracas Bay beach was very necessary.
The view from the Maracas Bay Lookout never gets old.

While I did rest a lot, I want you to know that I didn’t come back to my golden life tribe empty-handed. In addition to the Trinidadian treats I shared in the musing from my first visit, “A Trip Fit for a Queen,” I have a few more recommendations for any of you planning to visit.

I couldn’t resist capturing a photo opp under this beautiful tree in the Royal Botanic Gardens.

Take a stroll or have a picnic in the Royal Botanic Gardens. If you are a nature lover, or you just enjoy peaceful, serene environments, this is a must for you. With a mini zoo on the property, filled with lively, colorful birds, it offers an abundance of flora and fauna that is sure to delight your senses. This Garden, which happens to be one of the oldest botanical gardens in the world, also offers areas where you can sit and enjoy a bite to eat with a friend or enjoy some “me” time. There are also fascinating views of the President’s House, as well as beautiful rolling hills that can serve as a mini hiking experience.

Grab local fare from Queen’s Park Savannah. In addition to boasting the world’s largest roundabout, and offering views of some of Trinidad’s magnificent seven buildings, including castles, this beautiful park hosts food trucks that sell some of Trinidad’s best cuisine in the evenings. They serve everything from shark and bake, a local favorite, to some North American favorites like fried chicken wings and tacos. The Queen’s Park area also hosts numerous festivals, including the Pan African Festival, which I visited back in July and August.

Take in the breathtaking view of the city at the famous lookout points. One of the most charming attributes of Trinidad is the natural beauty that you can take in from several lookouts around the capital city of Port of Spain. The Maracas Bay lookout was definitely deserving of another visit, and this time I was also able to take in the daytime and nighttime views of the Lady Young Road Lookout. While you’re there, shop some of the local vendors and sit down and enjoy a drink and a bite to eat from Tastee Tobago. This cute little restaurant has great food representing Tobago, Trinidad’s sister country, and offers stunning views of the Caribbean Sea and Queen’s Park Savannah.

For more golden life ventures visit www.goldenlifeventures.com.

Lessons in Gratitude

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

Talking about gratitude never gets old for me. Here’s why. It’s essential for joyful living. And who doesn’t want to live with joy?

We just entered the true fall season here on the East Coast of the United States. It happens to be my second favorite season of the year. The reason that it’s not the first is primarily because of the loss of daylight hours. It’s the sun for me, or rather lack thereof. While it’s really one thing that keeps this season from being in first place, it has been significant enough for me to secretly dread the season. And where there is dread, there is no joy.

Having been on this intentional gratitude journey for some years now and seeing the wonders it has done for my mood and overall disposition, I decided to apply this same intention to how I felt about the change in seasons. Here’s what I learned.

  1. By focusing my attention on what I loved about the season –  the beauty of fall foliage, the soothing satisfaction of warm beverages, the comfort and style of fall gear – I shifted my perspective. The perspective shift brought a new level of joy to this season that I hadn’t felt before.

2. As I made a conscious decision to express gratitude for the people and things around me in this season, the more there was to take delight in and savor. It’s as if I began to see with new eyes. 

  1. When I choose to be fully present in each moment and experience and find something to be grateful for in all of them, there is an abundance of joy that I can find in the darkness as well as the light.

As you experience this fall season, whether it is your favorite or not, I encourage you to consider adding intentional gratitude into your daily routine. You might just learn some lessons of your own that you can carry into the next seasons and beyond.

For more golden life ventures and musings visit www.goldenlifeventures.com.