No one can say they’ve seen the face of God, but if you’ve seen an act of love, you know exactly what He looks like. Scripture tells us plainly: God is love. And every time we choose love over hate, humility over pride, generosity over selfishness, and forgiveness over resentment, we give the world a glimpse of Him.
That’s the heart of Christmas.
In the middle of lights, lists, traditions, and to-dos, it’s easy to forget that Christmas isn’t just a season; it’s a story. A story of God’s ultimate act of love. He didn’t send a sign or a symbol. He sent Himself. Wrapped in flesh. Placed in a manger. Given freely to a world that desperately needed hope.
Jesus didn’t arrive with power and prestige. He came in humility, bringing peace to the weary, hope to the broken, and light into dark places. Through Him, we learn that love isn’t just something we feel; it’s something we live.
When we choose love, especially when it’s inconvenient, undeserved, or unseen, we reflect the heart of God. When we extend grace, show compassion, slow down to listen, or give without expecting anything in return, we continue the Christmas story in real time.
This season, maybe the greatest gift we can offer isn’t found under a tree, but in how we show up for one another. A kind word. A softened heart. A forgiven offense. A generous spirit. These are the moments where love becomes visible.
Christmas reminds us that love has a name, and His name is Jesus.
So as we celebrate, let’s get back to the heart of it all. Let’s choose love boldly, live it daily, and share it freely. Because every act of love points back to the One who loved us first, and that is truly something worth celebrating!
I had a “Lessons in Gratitude” post all planned out. Thankfully, a retreat I attended interrupted my regularly scheduled programming.
We can make our own plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
Proverbs 16:9
This season of my life is driven by these words – “Listen. Trust. Obey.” This blog post is an attempt to honor the Holy Spirit’s directive.
I attended this retreat because 1) a wonderfully gifted girlfriend posted it on her social media and I knew whatever she was involved in was going to be amazing. And 2) candidly, it’s been a challenging season. I felt the spirit nudge me toward it because I desperately needed it. I believed it would be soul-nourishing, refreshing, and replenishing and indeed it was.
From my conversations with people from all generations, backgrounds, and genders lately, I’ve heard and felt a spirit of heaviness. And yes, even as an abundant life enthusiast who exudes peace, joy, and light, I can honestly say that I’ve felt this heaviness personally. So when the promotion for this retreat promised a day filled with intentional self-work, radical self-care, and revolutionary self-love, I said inwardly, yassss sign me up!
Our facilitator Jessica welcoming and introducing us to being SELF-ish’
There were many beautiful aha moments and nuggets that I took from this experience. I get the title of this retreat may be deceiving (I’ll get to that in a minute). But, immediately upon surrendering myself to the moment, I knew I wanted to pay it forward. Share all the yummy goodness that I received from it with my beloved tribe.
Of course, there is nothing like the power of experiencing something for yourself. But, let me share a few insights with you that I hope will have power for you, nonetheless.
In a vision book exercise facilitated by my friend Michelle McKinney who spoke at the event, I was instructed to look at all the roles I take on and operate in. Business owner, ministry leader, volunteer, travel consultant, public relations consultant, friend/family member, etc. (there’s a whole list chile). I realized the majority of these roles involved me giving a lot of my time, attention, and focus (thus, myself) to others. And that is not a bad thing. But, it wasn’t until I read her example role of self-caretaker that I realized I wasn’t on my own list of priorities. No wonder I felt so depleted.
My beautiful friend Michelle who gave an incredible workshop on vision casting.
If you are someone like me who often tries to pour from an empty cup, I have news for you. Your love and care for yourself need to be prioritized too. And I don’t just mean setting aside time for physical rest or pampering yourself with massages and pedicures here and there. Although those things can be a part of an amazing self-care regimen. I mean intentionally looking at yourself as a priority and asking, “what is it that I need to be and live out the best version of me?” Then make a commitment to yourself to do those things…consistently.
It was a year ago that I first did this exercise with Michelle’s Vision Playbook. (By the way, be sure to get yours, it’s amazing!) Clearly, I needed to be reminded of how important that CONSISTENTLY part was. I also had to recognize that as I grow, my challenges will manifest at the level of that growth. That means I have to be prepared to reevaluate what my self-care looks like regularly. Hence, the beauty of this retreat. The most powerful nugget I received was recognizing what this next level of caring for myself can and will look like.
As each person’s life and journey are uniquely different, I can imagine the myriad revelations that came out of this experience. But I’ll close with a few quotes and insights that encouraged me and supported my empowering aha moments. My hope is that at least one, if not all, will resonate with you in some way.
If I release the spirit of “should” and “have to” and replace them with “could” and “want to,” I can operate from an entirely new perspective that motivates and excites me.
Be yourself. Face yourself. Pace yourself. Healing starts within.
Everything I’m looking for is within me.
Setting boundaries and telling people no is not negative. It gives someone else another avenue and opportunity to be creative and make something happen for themselves.
Trust yourself and be kind to yourself.
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Self-care is about taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
Be patient with yourself and give yourself grace.
Wellness is my birthright!
You are better off than you think you are.
Whenever you’re doing the work growth is happening (whether you see it or not).
Have you ever had a string of wild, unexplainable things that happen to you or around you that have you thinking what planet am I on? How did I get here? Yeah, me too. I think it happens to us all at some point in our lives. Because we all have different backgrounds, experiences, personalities, and perspectives, these moments can affect us very differently. For some of us, these seasons can cause our mental and emotional states to go into a tizzy.
I like to identify this state by using the vernacular of today’s times, being “in my feelings.” I don’t know about you, but when I’m in my feelings, it’s tough to distinguish reality from what this heightened emotional state is telling me.
Our feelings are very real to us but what they tell us about ourselves, about others, and about life overall is not the truth. Since I was very recently “in my feelings” and decided to minister to myself to find my way out of them, I figured I wouldn’t be selfish and keep my enlightenment to myself.
One of the most helpful strategies that I have employed to get out of my feelings and back into reality is reminding myself of God’s promises. If you’re anything like me, you’ve wondered if there was a guidebook to adulting that would help you get through life more successfully. I want you to know not only does this book exist, but we also have access to it. That book is the Bible, and it’s filled with God’s wonderful promises that cancel out the lies our feelings try to get over on us.
Whenever you find yourself in your feelings – perhaps you are there right now – read over and meditate on these promises below. They may not be groundbreaking in the sense that they change the world’s problems, but they may be a start to finding peace with and perhaps solving your own.
God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
Psalm 18:30
All is and will be well.
Tell the godly that all will be well for them. They will enjoy the rich reward they have earned! Isaiah 3:10
His plans are still intact and what’s mine is mine.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
God will sustain me and rescue me.
Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he. I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4
I am His, and God delights in me.
For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17
He gives me rest.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29
God guides me and gives me counsel.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Psalm 32:8
God is my refuge, strength, and help in my time of need.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
I always have access to God’s peace.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
God will never forsake or forget about me.
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
God’s perfect love casts out all fear.
Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 1 John 4:18
Nothing can separate me from you.
No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39
I am blessed because I believe.
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. Jeremiah 17:7
Blessed is she who believed the Lord would fulfill his promises to her. Luke 1:45
Anyone who knows me well knows I have a serious fear of insects. When I say fear, I don’t just mean that I don’t like them, which is definitely the case as well. Truth be told, I have a serious phobia, which is an intense irrational fear, and I’m not ashamed to say I actually went to counseling because of it.
A few years ago, an insect native to the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States called cicadas were set to reemerge after a 13-year hibernation underground and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Even worse, I feared I would inadvertently kill myself behind the wheel of a car if one of them got into the car with me, which they’ve been known to do – fly into cars with people, not kill them (smile). I considered looking into ways I could take a leave of absence from my job and just live somewhere else during their visit. Sounds crazy right? Well, I opted for therapy instead and I’m glad I did. That 8 week counseling period did not just get me through that time unscathed; by the end of my last session I was picking up (dead) cicadas with my bare hands. Yuck! So unfortunately it was a temporary solution; I was cured only for a season. I’m sad to say I still have a serious bug phobia. [Insert deep sigh here.]
A couple of months ago I decided to add some variety to my morning workout routine by taking a walk in my neighborhood. One morning I had an idea to visit the Franciscan Monastery, a longstanding beloved fixture in my quaint neighborhood of Northeast D.C. called Brookland. Interestingly enough, my mom grew up in the same neighborhood and I later learned that my grandmother used to take my mom with her on walks to this very same monastery about 60 years ago! I don’t think it was a coincidence that I was being led there. As I explored the monastery like a tourist visiting for the first time, I discovered a beautiful pond with a small waterfall flowing into it and a dozen or so beautifully colored fish swimming there. A few benches surround the pond so I decided to take a breather there for a minute and take in the serenity of the environment. It was amazing! So much so, I named it my new quiet place and started visiting at least once a week for quiet time, reflection and prayer.
You may be asking, OK what does this have to do with your fear of insects. Well, it wasn’t until after my second or third visit I looked around and discovered a sign that made me realize the place where I had found so much peace and serenity over the past few weeks was actually a home to the thing that causes me more angst and fear than just about anything in the world. That place is called The Insect and Butterfly Garden. I had to laugh at myself and the irony of the situation. At first I became disappointed, and not soon after discovering this revelation of course I started to notice all of the annoying flying insects buzzing around me. But instead of letting that new information taint my new quiet place, I just decided to include it in my experience. What that did for me was more enlightening than any therapy session.
I couldn’t ignore the lesson. Before I knew what the place was called, it was considered a safe haven for me. In an instant, upon discovering what it “really was”, my perspective was threatened. I say threatened and not changed because I chose to have an empowering context for this place instead of defining it by the false, limiting thoughts that tend to creep into my mind. I’m trying not to get too deep here but I really want to express the power of perspective. It is so powerful and we may not think we have control over it but we absolutely do. I could have made the choice to throw up my hands and turn my quiet place over to the insects; after all, it is their home, right? Instead, I chose to refocus my attention on the wonderful attributes that lead me to the garden in the first place, and I reclaimed my peace. Once I chose that perspective, I realized the insects didn’t care about me being there anyway. In fact, they didn’t bother me at all. In the end, I found some very good advice in that old adage: when you can’t beat them, join them.
I had the honor of participating in and in some cases, producing some pretty incredible events over the past two weeks. Unfortunately, the exhaustion that consumed this human body of mine after taking part in these amazing events tried to keep me from being great…nevertheless, Golden Life Musings has returned!
Let’s start with the Democratic National Convention (DNC) in Philadelphia. Being transparent, I’ve never really liked politics and I’ve shied away as much as possible from political conversations. And while I’m a registered Democrat who has voted in every election in which I’ve been qualified to vote since the age of 18, my views on many of the issues being debated by the major parties tend to fall more neatly into that of the independent camp. Being even more honest, going into the convention I was very underwhelmed by Hillary Clinton but just the thoughts of the alternative make me shiver, so I figured I would at least investigate to see what all the hype is about.
Apologies for the ham session here…I’m rarely able to resist photo booths!
The convention was awesome for a few reasons. One, it was inspiring to see such a genuinely diverse group of people there on one accord. [Side Note: As an African American female, I also took pride in the fact that several African American women had leading roles in making the DNC a success, including the DNC Committee CEO Rev. Leah Daughtry, who did a phenomenal job at leading the planning and execution of the convention.] This seems like something obvious that would take place at a convention for a major political party, but from what I understand more often than not, the opposite is true. Just take a look at the highlights from the Republican National Convention (RNC) this year. Even though there were some die-hard Bernie fans in the building sporting their yellow shirts that stuck out like sore thumbs among the sea of red, white and blue, they even conceded it was best for them to take one for the team, have a seat and get on board.
Me and Uncle Joe!
I was most mesmerized by the speakers of the convention. And I’m not just referring to the big name speakers such as FLOTUS and POTUS and the VP aka Uncle Joe (who I got a chance to meet by the way, and was super cool!); rather, it was the unsuspecting average everyday people, non-politicians, that spoke to the heart of the issues that are plaguing this country and why their support is behind someone they believe can make a difference. I will say, by the time Hillary took the stage on the last night of the convention, my ambivalence had transitioned to a sense of pride in the candidate to whom I was giving my vote, simply from the personal testimonials that were shared. It was pretty amazing!
I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about the entertainment. You can’t have a convention without some partying, right? Each night, an after party following the main events (which ended around 11 pm) chock full of delectable treats and adult beverages lasted into the wee hours of the morning. And the eye candy of the who’s who of Hollywood was enough to keep you up all night waiting for a chance to catch a glimpse, or even better, snap a picture. Or was that just me who was waiting for Lenny Kravitz, who among other celebs and myself, was staying at the convention’s host hotel? There are not too many celebrities I would stalk, but he certainly makes the short list lol. Alas, I had to settle for seeing him from the stands. Deep sigh…
Lenny Kravitz doing his thing on the DNC stage
Super creative adult beverages
One of my favorite actresses Angela Bassett
My mom and her friends titled this photo with actress Lynn Whitfield For Colored Girls lol
From there, I traveled down to Atlanta to participate in the second annual SheSpeaks Global conference, a women’s empowerment movement founded by my friend and business partner, Chinaza Duson. Chinaza has had an incredible journey in her 40 years of life and she’s using her voice as an instrument to inspire and impact the lives of women around the world who believe they’ve lost their own voice. I’ve had the pleasure of serving as the publicist for this amazing movement since its inception last year and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to literally have a hand in lives being transformed for the better right before your eyes. Many of the women who attended last year came back with some powerful testimonials about how last year’s conference helped them to find their voice to do something extraordinary. One moment that stuck out to me the most was the testimony of Christina Serrano, who last year came as an attendee, full of tears at the conclusion, and came back as a powerful speaker on the main stage!
L. Christina first sharing her story with Chinaza R. Christina sharing her story from the stage a year later
These two events got me thinking about the power of a testimony. There’s a saying that rings true, “You can’t have a testimony without first being tested.” I think it is one of the things that makes us all human, to be tested at some point in our lives. If you haven’t been tested, you just simply haven’t lived long enough right? I know this blog post has taken a shift but I promise I’m going somewhere with this. There is something about someone sharing a story of triumph over tragedy, faith over fear, progress over pain that inspires us to move. We all have a story to tell and the unfortunate thing is too many people are being quiet. Some of you reading this have a story to tell that will inspire someone to take a positive action in some way. You never know how your words might fall on someone else. It could mean the difference in something seemingly as insignificant as someone choosing a better health regimen or make the difference in who becomes the next President of the United States. Regardless of what you have to share, there’s power in your testimony and there’s someone waiting on you to speak up.
As I contemplated what to write after more than three weeks of being absent from Golden Life Musings, my brain cells took on a life of their own as they pumped the hook to Ciara’s “Gimme Dat” soundtrack in my head, and there has been no releasing it ever since. Have you ever gotten that one song in your head and no matter what you do, including playing other music, you cannot let it go? Yep, that’s me right now. But for me, as catchy as the song lyrics and beat are, it’s the feeling of what those song lyrics mean for me that’s taken a hold of me.
I grew up on stage and around music. From the time I was four, twirling around in my first tutu (See Beyond the Barre), into my late teens singing in a local girl group, I lived on the stage and I loved it. I also loved to write songs, some of which actually earned me some recognition in a couple of songwriting contests. And then life happened. We can also call it the realities of adulthood setting in. Sure, there are plenty of people who have pursued professional music careers into their adulthood; in fact, my two friends are some of them. However, the sad reality is many of us have done a dangerous thing with passions like this. We’ve set them off to the side and filed it away in the “someday I’ll get back to it” category and unfortunately, many never do. I’m a culprit of this and I did it with my music, a self-professed passion.
A little over a week ago, I appeared on stage again in a reunion tribute concert with that girl group I mentioned above, Visions, which was comprised of me and two of my childhood friends who performed together professionally in the D.C. area in the mid to late 90’s. Until that night, the three of us had not performed on stage together in 18 years. I can’t even believe I just wrote that. Now I’ve sung since then, even on stage, backing up both of those friends at various shows over the years, but not in a featured role. Admittedly, I had been hiding behind my some day until I finally became intentional about my someday becoming right now. All it took was a decision. I said to my girls, let’s do this…and we did.
It felt good up there. As I was singing I started to wonder, why has it really been that long since I last performed? I offered up a bunch of excuses in my head, but after contemplating more on that after the performance, the only thing that made any sense for me was fear. Have you ever noticed, in general the older we get, the more fear we have? The fear of being judged, rejected and perhaps most of all, failing is so powerful. I wonder how many unrealized dreams, including my own, have been stopped by that one powerful emotion (See Why Won’t We Be Great).
The reality is as much as I love to sing and write music, I’ve done very little of that as an adult…until now, that is. In the words of Ciara, I think it’s time to bring it back…
Have you ever met someone who makes you stop in your tracks? Someone so uplifting and inspiring you can’t take your eyes or ears off of them? That’s what I felt when I attended a women’s leadership brunch this weekend and I heard the words uttered from the stage, “My name is Mikaila Ulmer and I’m the owner and CEO of BeeSweet Lemonade.” Mikaila is eleven years old and as she so eloquently shared with a couple hundred of us in the room, she’s owned her business for more than half her life. If any of us 20 somethings and above in the room thought we were doing something, Mikaila quickly put us all to shame!
She and her story are impressive. If you haven’t heard of her or her company yet check her out. What was most impressive and stood out the most for me though was not the great successes she’s achieved in her seven years in business though there have been many; it’s about how she’s dealt with hardship, rejection and (perceived) failure. Unfortunately, those devastating hurdles are what take most entrepreneurs out of the game. It prevents people in general from stepping outside of their comfort zone again after a failure and trying something unfamiliar. Not Mikaila, it has actually fueled her and her mission. She inspired us entrepreneurs, aspiring entrepreneurs and women leaders in business in the room to make lemonade out of those lemons we receive in life.
Mikaila talked about her high of receiving a $60,000 deal from one of the sharks on the popular ABC Show Shark Tank to take her already successful business, which was already selling products in such brand name stores as Whole Foods, to the next level. Shortly thereafter however, she received word that the name of her business, which she deemed perfect for her product, would have to be changed because it was too similar to an already existing business. While devastated at first, she brushed herself off and went into research mode to find another name for her business, which now she says captures perfectly the mission of her company in its title. With wisdom and poise beyond her years, she summed up a decision we all have to make when inevitably life will hand us something we didn’t plan or prepare for but can stand to make or break us nonetheless. She closed with this simple yet poignant poem she wrote about her experience:
“Don’t be discouraged by life’s little stings. Get back up and spread your wings. – Mikaila Ulmer”
A few weeks ago I was in Atlanta for a black tie dinner and awards ceremony for my business. I’m dressed in my dazzling evening gown so of course I’m feeling extra glamorous and I walk up to the lobby bar of the hotel in which the event is being held and the gentleman next to me starts to make what I thought was small talk at first. He asks me what my partners and I are all dressed up for and within less than 2 minutes he’s asking very personal questions about my marital status and whether or not I have kids. When I answer simply no to both, he hits me with the kicker, “Well that’s selfish!” Excuse me sir? I was so shocked and insulted that someone I just met whose name I didn’t even know had made such a judgment, it almost took my breath away. He knew nothing about my story or the circumstances of my life but yet he felt comfortable in making a judgment about me as a person. Sure, I could explain his insensitive remark away by blaming it on the alcohol but sadly, he wasn’t the first person to overstep his boundaries in making unfounded remarks about others’ personal lives.
What is the fascination we have as humans to be concerned with and make judgments about how others live their lives anyway? Some would argue the social media driven and reality TV-laden world in which we live where people overshare and overindulge in other’s lives is the cause. I would have to agree with that. Though the reality is regardless of how much someone shares or doesn’t share, we can’t possibly know another person’s full story and most importantly, it’s really none of our business.
My pastor preached a sermon this Sunday entitled “The Half Has Not Been Told” about how each of us has a public bio and a private bio, and while both help to make us who we are, God is really the only one who knows both stories intimately and He’s the only one who should. He’s the only who is safe to pass judgment. It is simply not meant for us to pry into other’s lives and make judgments about their choices, but yet we do it sometimes subconsciously, perhaps because in a way it makes us feel better about ourselves and the decisions we’ve made.
I have to admit, I’ve been a culprit of this myself. We all have. Sadly, I think it has become human nature to secretly and sometimes not so secretly, compare ourselves to others and measure the success of our lives based on the decisions that others have made for their own. It sounds crazy when you think about it in these terms but it happens every day. Whether we indulge in reality TV, scroll through our news feeds dozens of times per day, or just simply find ourselves talking about other’s lives under any other context besides an uplifting one, we all do it.
Perhaps we would be better at this whole life thing if we reflected within and became better stewards of the decisions we make for ourselves. I think little August had it right when she hilariously coined the phrase “Worry About Yourself!”
The convention was awesome for a few reasons. One, it was inspiring to see such a genuinely diverse group of people there on one accord. [Side Note: As an African American female, I also took pride in the fact that several African American women had leading roles in making the DNC a success, including the DNC Committee CEO 
Golden Life Musings 