Sleeping Adam

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

Praise report! I just completed the first draft of a passion book project that has been on my heart and in the works for several years. It’s been a process y’all. But I’m really excited about it for a couple of reasons. One, it will be one of the most challenging exercises I’ve ever completed. What I’m most excited about though is how much I know it’s going to bless those who read it.

Those who know me know I love to write, and particularly journal. This book, “God Doesn’t Make Mistakes,” examines several of my journal entries over the course of what was one of the most challenging, yet transformational seasons of my life. Several times throughout the book I mention this concept of “Sleeping Adam.” As I thought about what I would write to you about next, I considered doing a Part 2 to Singleness is not a disease. Trust me, I could talk about that topic ALL DAY LONG, and I’ve gotten so much food for thought over the past several months. But then it came to me. In honor of the forthcoming book, I wanted to give you something special for following Golden Life Musings – an excerpt from the book! Considering the subject matter, we’ll just go ahead and call it Singleness is Not a Disease Part 2. (smile)

This chapter will give you some advance insight so when you read the book, you’ll know who I’m referring to when I shout out Sleeping Adam. Don’t you just love getting the inside hook up? Lol. Enjoy and stay tuned to the book release later this year!

MY SLEEPING ADAM

This notion of my “Sleeping Adam” has been on my heart since I first heard the words spoken at a women’s conference I was working in Atlanta in July 2015. It was that same year I was healing from one of the most painful breakups of my life. I had convinced myself I was going to marry a man that God did not call to be my husband. I wanted it to be true because I loved him and I had invested so much time, energy, love and myself into the relationship. But I was disobedient from the beginning. I ignored the red flags. I ignored the initial conversation about him not being ready to be in a relationship because of where he was in his life. I ignored him and I ignored God’s whispers.

So, when I heard Dr. Wanda Davis Turner explain this concept of a Sleeping Adam, a light bulb went off for me. Adam was asleep when God performed the surgery on him to bring Eve to life. God had already done most of the work on Adam before the surgery, but the final part of the process was his induced coma for God to prepare Eve for him.

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And there was the epiphany: Some of us as women are trying to wake men up who are still “sleeping.” That time of sleep is a preparation time for him while God is putting the finishing touches on who he is as a man, and ultimately as a husband (if that is his calling). We fail to realize that God put him to sleep for a reason. If we wake him up before he’s ready, we stand the chance of getting a mate who is half asleep or not complete on his own, meaning he needs someone else to make him complete. I think most, if not all, women have experienced or at least seen the consequences of that.

That “Sleeping Adam” term spoke to my heart so profoundly, I started using it in my journal entries. What she said made so much sense and it explained many of the struggles I had in my dating experiences. The men I wanted, or thought I wanted, were still sleeping and I was trying to wake them up. I was trying so hard to get them to see the value in me, not realizing that was never really the issue.

Most of my adult life I’ve been with both half asleep and half complete men. The reason I felt like I had to lead them was because they weren’t ready to lead, and there was nothing I could do to make them be ready. I heard many times, “when a man is ready, he is ready”. And you can’t make him ready before that time. For those women who do manage to wake their Sleeping Adams up before their process is complete, and cajole them into a marriage via an ultimatum, they ultimately end up regretting it in the long run.

I needed to go through those experiences to learn the lesson: If Adam is not coming for Eve, it doesn’t mean Eve is not amazing or that Adam doesn’t see her value. It might mean he’s still asleep. If that is the case, you have a decision to make. Wait for him to wake up (if you believe he’s worth waiting for), or keep it moving, but please don’t wake him up before he’s finished sleeping!

I’m not one of those people who believes in soulmates in the sense that there is just one person on this Earth for everyone. But I do believe God has placed His best for us strategically in our lives for us to choose. There are many scenarios that will work based on the myriad decisions we make. That’s why there’s no mistake we can make that God hasn’t already factored into His plan. The book has already been written. The course has already been set. I’ve learned His best plans come when we act according to His will and His timing. And we could always save ourselves a lot of pain, suffering and time by just being obedient and patient.

 

 

 

About That Abundant Life

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

Abundant Life photo

A couple of months before the close of 2017 I received an important phone call, seemingly out of the blue. Considering what had transpired about a month before that phone call, I should have expected it. A leader of my church’s women’s ministry was on the other end of the line inviting me to be a featured breakout session speaker at our women’s conference and retreat in Norfolk, VA. Not only did she want me to speak, she wanted me to speak on the topic “About that Abundant Life”.

The next words she spoke resonated with me and have stayed with me since that phone call. “I’m not even sure if this is something you do, but you came to my mind to speak on this topic.”

Let’s rewind a little bit. A month prior I took some time to read and study the principles outlined in the book, “Purpose Awakening”. In fact, I blogged about my experience with this book because it was literally life-changing for me. For the first time in my 10-year purpose discovery process, I got clarity. God revealed that as a PR professional of more than 13 years, I was about to take on my biggest client EVER…HIM. God Himself spoke in words that I could hear. He was setting me on a path in this next phase of life to use the skillsets I had built over the last several years as an entrepreneur and a publicist – speaking, writing, making connections – to now use for His glory. He was beginning to elevate me from Golden Life to the Abundant Life.

Needless to say, when I heard the words, “I’m not even sure if this is something you do”…I immediately said to myself, “it IS now.” And sure, I had spoken publicly hundreds, maybe even thousands, of times over the last decade plus as a business owner and publicist, but this would be my first time speaking publicly in a ministry setting. I immediately felt the weight and responsibility of what this invitation brought, but I also felt a sense of peace and joy because I knew that I was in the midst of the manifestation of my assignment.

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Zion Church’s Women 2 Women Retreat 2018

As I began to prepare my message about this abundant life – this thing that everyone wants but always seemed to be an elusive concept – I realized that it wasn’t so ambiguous at all. I went to Facebook Live to conduct a survey of what my friends thought the abundant life was and I heard everything from prosperity and wealth to happiness, contentment and having more than enough of what you need. And to be honest, there was a time in the not too distant past, I would have agreed with all of what they were sharing and the fact that an abundant life means something different to each person.

And then I went to the Bible. I asked God to show me what He wanted me to share about this Abundant Life concept since the term “life abundantly” (John 10:10 NKJV) first appeared in His book anyway. Since we as human beings were created for His glory (Isaiah 43:7) after all, what would abundant life mean to Him with that truth as a reference point? What does an abundant life look like through God’s eyes considering we were created for His glory?

I came to the conclusion that if we discover and use our unique spiritual gifts God gave us to serve one another, discover and walk in our unique assignments He planned for us, and learn how to live and walk in the present (not the past or the future) – the right now that He gave us, we can begin to step into and experience that abundant life He promised us. And here’s another important point I discovered: living an abundant life has less to do with what we actually attain and more to do with what we can give and how we can be of service to others with what God gave us.

The women in my breakout session shared an acrostic poem using the words ABUNDANT as a group activity. One of the women came up to me afterwards and said, “Thank you for what you shared. I’m so glad I came to your session. It was just what I needed to hear.” That’s the ultimate compliment I could have ever heard.
The women in my breakout session shared an acrostic poem using the words ABUNDANT as a group activity. One of the women came up to me afterwards and said, “Thank you for what you shared. I’m so glad I came to your session. It was just what I needed to hear.” That’s the ultimate compliment I could have ever heard.

I think it would do my message a disservice if I tried to deliver the full power of what I shared about the abundant life in a 75-minute breakout session in a less than 900 word blog post. I will say that while the results of an abundant life may be varied, the formula to achieving it is pretty clear and attainable. While the Bible had many authors who came from different backgrounds and time periods, it was inspired by the word of God and remained consistent on a number of topics, one of them being why we’re here and how we are to use our time here.

Over the last several months since reading that book, receiving that phone call, and getting clear on what an abundant life really is, I can say with confidence that I am absolutely living it, and I want others to as well.

As a part of my newfound ministry I hope to deliver the message About that Abundant Life again some time soon. I’m also working to include it in my next book project you’ll see launching this year. In the meantime, stay tuned to Golden Life Musings where you’ll see more next level manifestation from the Golden Life to the Abundant Life.

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I was blessed to have three of my small group Bible study members there with me to encourage and support me in my first ministry speaking engagement!

UPDATE: Here are links to the videos from my Abundant Life talk. Enjoy!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Singleness is Not a Disease

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I’ve wrestled with writing on this subject for some time now. As I sit here on the eve of my 38th birthday, and Valentine’s Day for that matter, I thought it was finally time. It is not lost on me that I am in the (small or large, depending on how you look at the stats) demographic of women who have not been married by the age of 35. And this is not lost on me not because I am alarmed by this fact, rather because I’m constantly reminded of it and in some cases, meant to feel ashamed by it.

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As I get older it seems social media, traditional media, advertising (online and offline), people’s questions around my love life are all competing for more attention on the subject of my singleness and how I should feel about it. So I figured I should write about it.

Before I go any further, let me say that I do have a desire to be married and have a family complete with children someday. And yes, that someday has a date that is further out than I expected. But I reject the idea that because that someday hasn’t yet happened for me, or the countless others who are single at or around my age, it means that something went wrong or even worse, something is wrong with me.

We should not have to remind each other that each of us has our own journey in life and not everyone is on the same timetable or has the same order of life’s milestones to which we should each adhere. Yet, I hear more often than I care to admit that dreaded question (or some derivative)… “Why are you still single?”

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This question is so unfortunate, misguided and downright ignorant for so many reasons. But for the sake of time and space, I’ll only go into a couple.

I believe this question is unfortunate because I’ve seen the repercussions firsthand of couples rushing to the altar just so they don’t have to hear that question or to escape the title of “single” as they age. That may be an oversimplified reason, but the reality is a lot of people rush into marriage secretly because they feel like they are on a time clock they have to beat or else they won’t get their happily ever after. Or worse, because of fear of being judged or shamed by their family, friends or peers.

The harmful side effects of rushing are in some instances, people making a huge error in judgment regarding the person they marry, and in many cases, the couple is just simply  not properly prepared for marriage.

If I’ve learned anything from watching my loved ones go through divorce and ugly breakups, it is that marriage takes a lot of work and endurance, even for “happy couples.” It’s a beautiful institution, but it is not for the faint of heart, and if you’re not prepared for it, you run the risk of enduring very painful consequences. It’s not just something you hop into because it’s “that time”, you might as well because you love each other, or you’ve made it this far, might as well go all the way.

I believe it is also a misguided and ignorant question because as a follower of Christ, I believe purpose is a huge component to marriage. I believe that everyone has a purpose, or a God-given assignment they are to fulfill while on Earth. If you marry someone whose purpose is not complimentary to yours, you stand the risk of causing self-imposed strife and opposition within your marriage. Again, marriage is challenging enough as it is, why add the pressure of being unequally yoked?

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Therefore, if a single person is not yet clear on their purpose or assignment in the world, it’s probably best they aren’t married. And some singles may not like this but, their purpose may require them to remain single. A fact: some people are just simply not meant to marry. For others, marriage may work best later in life. In any of these cases, singleness is actually a good thing.

But unfortunately, our society often times looks at singleness as if it is something to escape or aspire to get away from, as if it is some type of disease. But for many it is actually a prescription for living a happier, peaceful and purpose-driven life, even if only for a season.

I follow a pastor and his wife online and they have a ministry called Redefined TV. In one of their webisodes a few months ago they covered the topic of “Why do you want to get married?” I encourage you to watch the entire episode, especially if you are single, but I want to highlight one of their points that was so profound and relevant to the message I’m sharing here. He said, “View your singleness as a passport not a prison. When you view your singleness as a prison, anyone who comes along is seen as a bail bond.” Just Wow.

If you are single, I want to encourage you during this season of singleness, as I’ve encouraged myself, to 1) explore your purpose, if you haven’t already and 2) view it as a passport and an opportunity to get to know and love yourself more deeply. I’ve heard from many married couples and experts that you have a happier and healthier marriage when each of you has a greater sense of self-awareness, self-love and self-respect.

And the next time you get that question about why you’re still single, just smile and say, “Because I’m working on a few more stamps in my passport.”

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What do you think?

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

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During a mentoring session a few months ago, a mentor of mine asked me an interesting question. He asked, how would you rate your thinking? Ironically, I thought about that question for about 10-15 seconds and finally I gave up on answering his question and decided to ask him a question of my own instead. “What do you mean?,” I asked him back.

He laughed and proceeded to educate me on the fact that an average American spends about 6% of their time on active thinking and the rest is spent on reacting, recalling/remembering, consuming information, relaxing/resting, meditating, searching/exploring and a host of other activities that don’t allow our brains to do one of the most powerful things it was designed to do – create.

He defined thinking as the active process that engages the function of your brain to create a particular outcome. The reason many of us don’t think as much, and I would venture to say live into our potential, is because we haven’t really learned how to think. We haven’t really exercised that muscle much at all.

You may be wondering to yourself, ok where is she going with this? I’m glad you asked. 😊

The day before this new year began, my pastor delivered a powerful sermon entitled Rivers and Streams. He used an analogy of a river in the Garden of Eden that belonged to Adam. This river produced several other streams that created resources for Adam and he equated Adam’s river and streams to the different rivers we have in our lives that have the potential to produce streams for us as well. Yes, he was talking about multiple streams of income.

I would do him and his sermon a disservice if I tried to recreate the power of what he said but there was a huge take away that connects that sermon with what my mentor shared with me. My pastor talked about the danger behind depending on just one river (job/business) and encouraged us to think about ideas and systems that we could create that would meet a need or solve a problem and ultimately create different streams or revenue sources for our households and families.

Going back to my mentoring session, my mentor gave me an assignment to spend 45 to 60 minutes a day doing nothing but thinking. Thinking specifically about a problem that I thought needed solving and then asking a series of questions that lead to how to solve that problem.

Imagine if we all started to do this exercise. What if we carved out some time from our TV watching, aimlessly scrolling through timelines or any other activities that don’t really serve us in the long run and just had a productive thought session? Imagine what could be created, who we could help and how much better our lives could be overall if we all just started to think more. How many of us would stop living paycheck to paycheck? How many of us would be able to leave an inheritance versus bills to our loved ones when we pass on?

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I mentioned in a previous blog post that not everyone is designed to be an entrepreneur, but we all have the ability to create something. Imagine what would happen if you teamed up with a mastermind group of people in your network who each had their particular expertise, one of which may be entrepreneurship, and you put a thought session together that created something that could both help people and generate another income stream for you all.

Many of us are sitting on untapped potential and believing expensive lies about ourselves (don’t have enough time, not creative enough, don’t have an entrepreneurial mind) simply because we just haven’t thought about what’s possible.

Transparently, I’ll share with you that I have done this exercise a few times and it was really hard at first. It felt like going back to the gym after an extended absence and rebuilding muscles that I hadn’t used in a while. But just like working out, it gets easier every time I do it. And I’ve started to have results. In fact, you’ll see the fruit of some of my thought sessions take shape this year.

I’m sharing this because I know someone reading this, even if it’s just one person, is going to have a light bulb go off and decide to do this exercise and create something great. And I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines. But I must warn you, the starting point is the thought process. Once that idea and that plan has been created, you’ve got to then be able to execute.

But I want to encourage you to not get stopped before you even get started. Seek out a mentor, find an accountability partner, and recruit a mastermind group that’s going to help you with the execution. First things first though, let’s get started. Ask yourself…

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Purpose Awakening

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Have you ever wondered why you’re here? By here I mean on this Earth. I think it’s a question all of us have pondered at some point during our lives, but sadly many don’t go the step further to discover. I would say for at least the last ten years or so I have been in a heavy pursuit of discovering purpose. I knew what I was naturally good at and what my desires were but every time I pondered on those things I came to the same roadblock that led to the same question: but why am I here?

As a believer of God and follower of Christ, the first thing I did was pray and I continued to pray over and over again. I prayed for a revelation. I prayed for discernment. When I became desperate, I started to pray for signs. When I felt like I still wasn’t getting any answers, I did what many people do when they feel like they have a lack of knowledge: they seek education. In addition to seeking any wisdom I could glean on the subject from the Bible, I started to read books by highly respected authors on the topic of purpose. Again, I was stumped.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago when a friend of mine offered to lend me a book called Purpose Awakening by Toure’ Roberts. I have to admit, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. There have been a lot of books written about purpose and frankly I didn’t think I could read another one, only to end up with the same result – still clueless and even more anxious about and frustrated with the process of discovering it. Yet a little voice in my head (I call it the Holy Spirit) said, “Read it” and I obeyed.

I’ve done quite a few reviews on Golden Life Musings. I’ve reviewed restaurants, destinations, properties and concerts but I had not yet reviewed a book…until now that is. Trust me when I say, this one is worth breaking form.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying that this particular book will help anyone who reads it discover their purpose. I think every person has their own journey of discovering purpose and there are a lot of factors that contribute to when and how someone has their “awakening”, so to speak. What I will say is this book offered me something that no other book had offered previously. That “something” is what I’ll attempt to convey in these next few paragraphs without giving anything away and being longwinded.

In the book Roberts beautifully unfolds the concept that there is an “epic idea that motivated your birth.” I just love the sound of that. The fact that there is even an idea that motivated someone’s birth is news to some but the fact that it is indeed epic is a mindblower. It’s also a travesty that in many cases epic doesn’t get to be seen because of this powerful, and sometimes dangerous, gift we’ve been given called free will. One of the most enlightening moments I had when first getting into the book was discovering that God has not made it difficult for us to become aware of our purpose; He did not hide it from us. There are just some things we need to understand first, and previously held mindsets that we need to abandon before we have eyes and hearts open enough to see it and receive it.

One of the first things he unpacks is that purpose isn’t easy and that it will challenge you. Well that’s a buzz kill. Yes, it will require change on your part and in many ways force you to let go of previously held beliefs about yourself and many of the things that have taken place in your life until the moment you are awakened to your purpose. It’s like being born all over again. It requires us to give up some things that honestly we’ve become quite comfortable with, or rather content. And therein lies one of the biggest reasons some people don’t bother to discover purpose – they know it will change them, and most importantly, stretch them beyond their comfort zone. Change for most is hard, or at least it’s perceived that way, and therefore, it’s avoided at all costs. This book really digs into the benefits of what change and that transformation process that comes along with it offers.

In addition, Roberts delves into some critical concepts like what it really means to be “holy” and how that contributes heavily to the awakening of your purpose. He completely shatters the negative connotation that word has been given inside and outside of the Christian faith and presents a whole new paradigm. He makes what some would probably consider some pretty “radical” statements about fear and about how it serves as a barrier to purpose awakening and fulfillment. And probably most importantly, he really unpacks the Holy Spirit’s involvement in bringing purpose to light and what he calls “your personal destiny advocate and the greatest proponent of your purpose.”

What I love most about this book is the guidance it gives at every stage of the awakening process. Meaning, no matter where you are on the spectrum from someone like me who really did not have a clue, to someone who already has a clear understanding of purpose, you have something to gain and glean from each chapter. Roberts is transparent about the pitfalls, mistakes, disappointments, and humbling and embarrassing moments that led to his discovery and the revelations he received along the way. Most importantly, he gives hope that no matter what stage you find yourself in life, there is an epic idea that created your birth that still has a chance of coming to fruition, if you so choose.

In closing I’ll share with you that I chose. I chose to do the work. As I read this book, I prayed and I fasted and I developed a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God in the process. In return, I was awakened to the first of what I know are many levels of my purpose. And so the journey begins…I’m excited about continuing the journey and sharing it with you.

purpose awakening
My favorite quote from the book: “Everything on the path to purpose means something. There is nothing that happens in your life that shouldn’t have. Your successes, failures, mistakes, hurts, and joys are all playing a part in developing you for God’s epic plan.”                 – Toure’ Roberts

 

 

A Lesson in Joy

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

Last week I returned from a wonderful 8 day retreat with my family in Miami Beach. Literally within a couple of hours of my return, BAM! Life happened. I found myself totally deflated on the side of the road waiting for the police to arrive after having gotten into a collision with another vehicle on the highway. I was determined to be at fault so that accident came with a $130 ticket. Moments before I had received a voicemail from a client who wanted to downgrade a service, which meant that I would now have to pay out $300 extra that I thought was contributing to my bottom line that week. To add insult to injury, the words “possibly totaled” were uttered and that almost sent me into a tailspin. You mean that car that I just invested hundreds of dollars in for a new tire, a new battery and a new registration within the last few months? That car?! This is not happening.

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Upon returning home that night, as I replayed the accident over and over again in my mind and what I could have done to prevent it, I tried to think about how grateful I was that I was physically OK, as were the passengers in the other vehicle involved in the accident. It could have been much worse I told myself. I tried to make those words console my spirit but I couldn’t. “Thank God you weren’t injured. Everything else will work out.” I read the words in my mom’s text message but they weren’t landing on me the way I desperately wanted and needed them to. I tried watching TV to get my mind off things and 10 minutes in, the power goes out. It’s completely black and quiet, except for the sound of raindrops outside. I’m left with these ridiculous thoughts consuming my brain. So I pray for the second time that night and at some point during that prayer I drift off to sleep.

I’d like to say that joy came in the morning and I felt better but sadly, I was just bitter. I questioned God and myself and the pity party continued. Yes, in the midst of my prayers and quiet time I still had a bad attitude. It was a bad scene getting worse. As if the car accident wasn’t bad enough, I started thinking about all the other things in my life that were not going the way I desired. It was an ugly snowball effect that seemed unstoppable. But something happened the next morning. I woke up and God led me to a scripture I’ve read probably a hundred times or more.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” James 1:2

Really Lord?

The scripture was embedded in a devotional I read from time to time in the mornings and this particular entry was entitled, “Don’t Let a Bad Attitude Rule Your Life”. Yep, it was clear God was talking directly to me. I needed an attitude adjustment…quickly. I read further…

“For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” James 1:3

At first I was resistant to the message because these last two years of my life have been nothing but test after test after test. I told God I was over all these tests. But I stuck with the scripture and I continued to meditate on it. The next day my attitude shifted completely in the midst of an “aha” moment. I realized that God was giving me an important lesson in something I thought I had already learned. It was a lesson in joy. And I felt a thousand times better once I learned it.

Most of us are experts in what I am now defining as circumstantial joy. Merriam Webster defines joy as 1) to experience great pleasure or delight 2) the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. Yep, that makes sense. When things are going exactly the way we want and plan or even better, we have joy. That’s how the world defines joy and that’s why we’re so good at it. But what happens when things don’t go our way and we experience trouble, which tends to happen to us as humans if we live for any period of time. Does that mean we can’t or won’t have joy? I then asked myself how God views joy, especially in light of that scripture in James.

I was led to another definition of joy offered by Theopedia (think Wikipedia for Biblical Christianity) that states joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is the settled state of contentment, confidence and hope. That sounds more like the joy James was talking about.

When I look back to those low moments last week, I had those moments not because I wasn’t genuinely grateful for all of the good things going on in my life. I was and I still am grateful. I now know that it is possible to be grateful without being joyful. I was not really experiencing joy because I needed a lesson on how to be “full” of joy in spite of my circumstances. I always wondered how some people are able to have such great attitudes (without faking it) in the midst of their hardship. I can admit that prior to now I was one of those who was “faking it until I make it.”

Had I not gone through what I went through I would not have learned this valuable lesson so for that, I am grateful. And I’m continuing to learn while I’m still going through it. I believe the most important lesson I’ve learned in this process is that joy is a choice. We can’t control a lot of things that happen to us in this life but it’s a blessing to know one thing we can control is our joy. It’s a choice we have to make every single day when we open our eyes. I share this humbling experience because I know I’m not the only one who needs to learn or be reminded of this lesson. We’re all going through things that trouble us big and small. My word of advice as you are going through it…choose joy.

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The Insect and Butterfly Garden

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Anyone who knows me well knows I have a serious fear of insects. When I say fear, I don’t just mean that I don’t like them, which is definitely the case as well. Truth be told, I have a serious phobia, which is an intense irrational fear, and I’m not ashamed to say I actually went to counseling because of it.

A few years ago, an insect native to the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States called cicadas were set to reemerge after a 13-year hibernation underground and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Even worse, I feared I would inadvertently kill myself behind the wheel of a car if one of them got into the car with me, which they’ve been known to do – fly into cars with people, not kill them (smile). I considered looking into ways I could take a leave of absence from my job and just live somewhere else during their visit. Sounds crazy right? Well, I opted for therapy instead and I’m glad I did. That 8 week counseling period did not just get me through that time unscathed; by the end of my last session I was picking up (dead) cicadas with my bare hands. Yuck! So unfortunately it was a temporary solution; I was cured only for a season. I’m sad to say I still have a serious bug phobia. [Insert deep sigh here.]

A couple of months ago I decided to add some variety to my morning workout routine by taking a walk in my neighborhood. One morning I had an idea to visit the Franciscan Monastery, a longstanding beloved fixture in my quaint neighborhood of Northeast D.C. called Brookland. Interestingly enough, my mom grew up in the same neighborhood and I later learned that my grandmother used to take my mom with her on walks to this very same monastery about 60 years ago! I don’t think it was a coincidence that I was being led there. As I explored the monastery like a tourist visiting for the first time, I discovered a beautiful pond with a small waterfall flowing into it and a dozen or so beautifully colored fish swimming there. A few benches surround the pond so I decided to take a breather there for a minute and take in the serenity of the environment. It was amazing! So much so, I named it my new quiet place and started visiting at least once a week for quiet time, reflection and prayer.

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You may be asking, OK what does this have to do with your fear of insects. Well, it wasn’t until after my second or third visit I looked around and discovered a sign that made me realize the place where I had found so much peace and serenity over the past few weeks was actually a home to the thing that causes me more angst and fear than just about anything in the world. That place is called The Insect and Butterfly Garden. I had to laugh at myself and the irony of the situation. At first I became disappointed, and not soon after discovering this revelation of course I started to notice all of the annoying flying insects buzzing around me. But instead of letting that new information taint my new quiet place, I just decided to include it in my experience. What that did for me was more enlightening than any therapy session.

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I couldn’t ignore the lesson. Before I knew what the place was called, it was considered a safe haven for me. In an instant, upon discovering what it “really was”, my perspective was threatened. I say threatened and not changed because I chose to have an empowering context for this place instead of defining it by the false, limiting thoughts that tend to creep into my mind. I’m trying not to get too deep here but I really want to express the power of perspective. It is so powerful and we may not think we have control over it but we absolutely do. I could have made the choice to throw up my hands and turn my quiet place over to the insects; after all, it is their home, right? Instead, I chose to refocus my attention on the wonderful attributes that lead me to the garden in the first place, and I reclaimed my peace. Once I chose that perspective, I realized the insects didn’t care about me being there anyway. In fact, they didn’t bother me at all. In the end, I found some very good advice in that old adage: when you can’t beat them, join them.