A Lesson in Joy

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

Last week I returned from a wonderful 8 day retreat with my family in Miami Beach. Literally within a couple of hours of my return, BAM! Life happened. I found myself totally deflated on the side of the road waiting for the police to arrive after having gotten into a collision with another vehicle on the highway. I was determined to be at fault so that accident came with a $130 ticket. Moments before I had received a voicemail from a client who wanted to downgrade a service, which meant that I would now have to pay out $300 extra that I thought was contributing to my bottom line that week. To add insult to injury, the words “possibly totaled” were uttered and that almost sent me into a tailspin. You mean that car that I just invested hundreds of dollars in for a new tire, a new battery and a new registration within the last few months? That car?! This is not happening.

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Upon returning home that night, as I replayed the accident over and over again in my mind and what I could have done to prevent it, I tried to think about how grateful I was that I was physically OK, as were the passengers in the other vehicle involved in the accident. It could have been much worse I told myself. I tried to make those words console my spirit but I couldn’t. “Thank God you weren’t injured. Everything else will work out.” I read the words in my mom’s text message but they weren’t landing on me the way I desperately wanted and needed them to. I tried watching TV to get my mind off things and 10 minutes in, the power goes out. It’s completely black and quiet, except for the sound of raindrops outside. I’m left with these ridiculous thoughts consuming my brain. So I pray for the second time that night and at some point during that prayer I drift off to sleep.

I’d like to say that joy came in the morning and I felt better but sadly, I was just bitter. I questioned God and myself and the pity party continued. Yes, in the midst of my prayers and quiet time I still had a bad attitude. It was a bad scene getting worse. As if the car accident wasn’t bad enough, I started thinking about all the other things in my life that were not going the way I desired. It was an ugly snowball effect that seemed unstoppable. But something happened the next morning. I woke up and God led me to a scripture I’ve read probably a hundred times or more.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” James 1:2

Really Lord?

The scripture was embedded in a devotional I read from time to time in the mornings and this particular entry was entitled, “Don’t Let a Bad Attitude Rule Your Life”. Yep, it was clear God was talking directly to me. I needed an attitude adjustment…quickly. I read further…

“For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” James 1:3

At first I was resistant to the message because these last two years of my life have been nothing but test after test after test. I told God I was over all these tests. But I stuck with the scripture and I continued to meditate on it. The next day my attitude shifted completely in the midst of an “aha” moment. I realized that God was giving me an important lesson in something I thought I had already learned. It was a lesson in joy. And I felt a thousand times better once I learned it.

Most of us are experts in what I am now defining as circumstantial joy. Merriam Webster defines joy as 1) to experience great pleasure or delight 2) the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. Yep, that makes sense. When things are going exactly the way we want and plan or even better, we have joy. That’s how the world defines joy and that’s why we’re so good at it. But what happens when things don’t go our way and we experience trouble, which tends to happen to us as humans if we live for any period of time. Does that mean we can’t or won’t have joy? I then asked myself how God views joy, especially in light of that scripture in James.

I was led to another definition of joy offered by Theopedia (think Wikipedia for Biblical Christianity) that states joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is the settled state of contentment, confidence and hope. That sounds more like the joy James was talking about.

When I look back to those low moments last week, I had those moments not because I wasn’t genuinely grateful for all of the good things going on in my life. I was and I still am grateful. I now know that it is possible to be grateful without being joyful. I was not really experiencing joy because I needed a lesson on how to be “full” of joy in spite of my circumstances. I always wondered how some people are able to have such great attitudes (without faking it) in the midst of their hardship. I can admit that prior to now I was one of those who was “faking it until I make it.”

Had I not gone through what I went through I would not have learned this valuable lesson so for that, I am grateful. And I’m continuing to learn while I’m still going through it. I believe the most important lesson I’ve learned in this process is that joy is a choice. We can’t control a lot of things that happen to us in this life but it’s a blessing to know one thing we can control is our joy. It’s a choice we have to make every single day when we open our eyes. I share this humbling experience because I know I’m not the only one who needs to learn or be reminded of this lesson. We’re all going through things that trouble us big and small. My word of advice as you are going through it…choose joy.

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The Birth

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

 

A few months ago I wrote a post called I’m Expecting. It’s funny how many people do not take the time to read in this fast-paced, microwave society in which we live. I can’t even tell you how many heartfelt congratulatory remarks I got from people who genuinely thought that I was pregnant and expecting a baby lol. My intent was to grab people’s attention and then have them read and get excited about what it was that I was actually expecting. Well I’m expecting no more…the baby has been birthed and I’m beyond overjoyed to share it with the world!

About five months ago God gave me an idea. Upon leaving my job in June of 2015, I ramped up the public relations division of my business Golden Life Ventures and I began soliciting clients for my public relations services. I met a lot of great people with amazing ideas and brands and visions for their businesses and I was excited about helping them. The disheartening thing about this process was they wanted and needed my services but they couldn’t afford them. Even more troubling for me, I wanted to help them but I didn’t want to sell myself short in the process either. After much brainstorming and a lot of great counsel from some business coaches and trusted advisors around me, the concept of PR 101 was born. I decided I would help business owners learn the basics of how to do their own PR through an online course format and a supplemental book Teach Me PR 101.

Here I was with an idea. A tiny seed had been planted. I then had to nurture and cultivate that seed and prepare for the harvest. I’m not going to lie, the last several months bringing that idea to fruition have been hard. The labor pains are real y’all. There have been a lot of sleepless nights, frustrations and disappointments, mistakes made and having to go back to the drawing board…but I get to say today that it’s all been worth it. Yesterday when PR 101 launched I woke up with a sense of accomplishment. I created something from nothing. And now I get to share that gift with others.

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You know we all have something to create. God is the ultimate CREATOR and did you know He created us in His image? That means you, yes you have something to create as well. Each of us has something special that deserves to be birthed into the world and it is up to us to figure out what that is. As I shared in “I’m Expecting”, for some that may be creating a family – partnering with someone and birthing human life into the world. That’s amazing! For others, that may not be the case, and that’s ok too! God may have another purpose for you. Whatever it is, you find it and you make every effort to make it come to fruition. If God gives you the idea, He’ll also make a way for you to deliver it.

I’m grateful for all of those who supported me in this birthing process because I certainly did not do it alone. I had a tribe of people coaching me and encouraging me along the way and they share in my excitement as well. To all who participated in the launch of this project, THANK YOU!

In case you haven’t checked it out already, visit my new baby at www.masterprbasics.com to sign up for free PR tips and learn more about the course and www.prformybusiness.com to enroll in the course. Even if you aren’t an existing business owner, self-employed professional or aspiring entrepreneur yourself, bless someone you know who is with this information to help them with their entrepreneurial pursuits. They’ve created something great and people deserve to hear about it!

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I’m Expecting!

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

It really is a beautiful thing to watch the miraculous process of new life growing inside of an expectant mother. In addition to the growing fetus, the mother sees herself gradually transform over several months as she prepares to give birth and while it is a bit of a scary time for her, especially if she is a first time mom, it’s also a very exciting time as well. I love to see the “village” of a growing family come together and celebrate the pending birth of a child. It is a joyous occasion no doubt and it should be celebrated.

There are some people, like myself, who haven’t had the pleasure yet of bearing a child into this world, but they are indeed expecting. Several months ago God sowed some ideas within me that are now starting to take form, as I’ve been quietly nurturing and cultivating them behind the scenes. Bringing these ideas to completion has been a very exciting, but also very scary process for me. While I have a desire and a picture in my mind of what the end results will be, I won’t really know what they will look like until I deliver the final product. Also it’s been difficult because it’s required growth on my part, and growth sometimes can be painful. Perhaps not any blood has been shed, but there’s definitely been some sweat and tears in this process and I’m very grateful to have trusted advisers, coaches and friends supporting me along the way.

If the point hasn’t been made clear, let me set the record straight that I am not pregnant in the traditional sense. Before any rumors start, no I will NOT be having a baby any time soon lol! But I am expecting, and I pray that what I’m giving birth to will be just as exciting and create just as much cause for celebration as if I were having a baby. What I’m producing is important to me and my hope is that it will be of importance and significance to the lives it touches for generations to come as well.

I’m not taking anything away from expectant mothers because as I’ve shared before, it is a miraculous process that should be celebrated. I also think it should be celebrated with just as much enthusiasm when someone takes a teeny tiny idea and turns it into a tangible, living, breathing project that can benefit the lives of others. Sometimes our society tends to be one track minded when it comes to what we celebrate and support. Absolutely, show up when a loved one invites you to a baby shower or a wedding because those milestones are significant. It’s also important to show up for those grand openings and book launch parties as well. It means the world to that person who has worked really hard to bring something to fruition. Not everyone will get married or have a baby but everyone has the capability to produce something great and we should all show up for them too.

Some time in the near future, you’ll start to see signs of the projects I’m giving birth to and prayerfully within the first quarter of 2017 I will deliver. My hope is when that day comes I’ll have a whole village of people rooting for me and cheering me on as I bring new life into the world.

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The Insect and Butterfly Garden

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

Anyone who knows me well knows I have a serious fear of insects. When I say fear, I don’t just mean that I don’t like them, which is definitely the case as well. Truth be told, I have a serious phobia, which is an intense irrational fear, and I’m not ashamed to say I actually went to counseling because of it.

A few years ago, an insect native to the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States called cicadas were set to reemerge after a 13-year hibernation underground and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Even worse, I feared I would inadvertently kill myself behind the wheel of a car if one of them got into the car with me, which they’ve been known to do – fly into cars with people, not kill them (smile). I considered looking into ways I could take a leave of absence from my job and just live somewhere else during their visit. Sounds crazy right? Well, I opted for therapy instead and I’m glad I did. That 8 week counseling period did not just get me through that time unscathed; by the end of my last session I was picking up (dead) cicadas with my bare hands. Yuck! So unfortunately it was a temporary solution; I was cured only for a season. I’m sad to say I still have a serious bug phobia. [Insert deep sigh here.]

A couple of months ago I decided to add some variety to my morning workout routine by taking a walk in my neighborhood. One morning I had an idea to visit the Franciscan Monastery, a longstanding beloved fixture in my quaint neighborhood of Northeast D.C. called Brookland. Interestingly enough, my mom grew up in the same neighborhood and I later learned that my grandmother used to take my mom with her on walks to this very same monastery about 60 years ago! I don’t think it was a coincidence that I was being led there. As I explored the monastery like a tourist visiting for the first time, I discovered a beautiful pond with a small waterfall flowing into it and a dozen or so beautifully colored fish swimming there. A few benches surround the pond so I decided to take a breather there for a minute and take in the serenity of the environment. It was amazing! So much so, I named it my new quiet place and started visiting at least once a week for quiet time, reflection and prayer.

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You may be asking, OK what does this have to do with your fear of insects. Well, it wasn’t until after my second or third visit I looked around and discovered a sign that made me realize the place where I had found so much peace and serenity over the past few weeks was actually a home to the thing that causes me more angst and fear than just about anything in the world. That place is called The Insect and Butterfly Garden. I had to laugh at myself and the irony of the situation. At first I became disappointed, and not soon after discovering this revelation of course I started to notice all of the annoying flying insects buzzing around me. But instead of letting that new information taint my new quiet place, I just decided to include it in my experience. What that did for me was more enlightening than any therapy session.

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I couldn’t ignore the lesson. Before I knew what the place was called, it was considered a safe haven for me. In an instant, upon discovering what it “really was”, my perspective was threatened. I say threatened and not changed because I chose to have an empowering context for this place instead of defining it by the false, limiting thoughts that tend to creep into my mind. I’m trying not to get too deep here but I really want to express the power of perspective. It is so powerful and we may not think we have control over it but we absolutely do. I could have made the choice to throw up my hands and turn my quiet place over to the insects; after all, it is their home, right? Instead, I chose to refocus my attention on the wonderful attributes that lead me to the garden in the first place, and I reclaimed my peace. Once I chose that perspective, I realized the insects didn’t care about me being there anyway. In fact, they didn’t bother me at all. In the end, I found some very good advice in that old adage: when you can’t beat them, join them.

 

The Power of Testimony

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

I had the honor of participating in and in some cases, producing some pretty incredible events over the past two weeks. Unfortunately, the exhaustion that consumed this human body of mine after taking part in these amazing events tried to keep me from being great…nevertheless, Golden Life Musings has returned!

Let’s start with the Democratic National Convention (DNC) in Philadelphia. Being transparent, I’ve never really liked politics and I’ve shied away as much as possible from political conversations. And while I’m a registered Democrat who has voted in every election in which I’ve been qualified to vote since the age of 18, my views on many of the issues being debated by the major parties tend to fall more neatly into that of the independent camp. Being even more honest, going into the convention I was very underwhelmed by Hillary Clinton but just the thoughts of the alternative make me shiver, so I figured I would at least investigate to see what all the hype is about.

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Apologies for the ham session here…I’m rarely able to resist photo booths!

20160811_140112The convention was awesome for a few reasons. One, it was inspiring to see such a genuinely diverse group of people there on one accord. [Side Note: As an African American female, I also took pride in the fact that several African American women had leading roles in making the DNC a success, including the DNC Committee CEO Rev. Leah Daughtry, who did a phenomenal job at leading the planning and execution of the convention.] This seems like something obvious that would take place at a convention for a major political party, but from what I understand more often than not, the opposite is true. Just take a look at the highlights from the Republican National Convention (RNC) this year. Even though there were some die-hard Bernie fans in the building sporting their yellow shirts that stuck out like sore thumbs among the sea of red, white and blue, they even conceded it was best for them to take one for the team, have a seat and get on board.

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Me and Uncle Joe!

I was most mesmerized by the speakers of the convention. And I’m not just referring to the big name speakers such as FLOTUS and POTUS and the VP aka Uncle Joe (who I got a chance to meet by the way, and was super cool!); rather, it was the unsuspecting average everyday people, non-politicians, that spoke to the heart of the issues that are plaguing this country and why their support is behind someone they believe can make a difference. I will say, by the time Hillary took the stage on the last night of the convention, my ambivalence had transitioned to a sense of pride in the candidate to whom I was giving my vote, simply from the personal testimonials that were shared. It was pretty amazing!

I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about the entertainment. You can’t have a convention without some partying, right? Each night, an after party following the main events (which ended around 11 pm) chock full of delectable treats and adult beverages lasted into the wee hours of the morning. And the eye candy of the who’s who of Hollywood was enough to keep you up all night waiting for a chance to catch a glimpse, or even better, snap a picture. Or was that just me who was waiting for Lenny Kravitz, who among other celebs and myself, was staying at the convention’s host hotel? There are not too many celebrities I would stalk, but he certainly makes the short list lol. Alas, I had to settle for seeing him from the stands. Deep sigh…

Lenny Kravitz doing his thing on the DNC stage
Super creative adult beverages
One of my favorite actresses Angela Bassett
My mom and her friends titled this photo with actress Lynn Whitfield For Colored Girls lol

From there, I traveled down to Atlanta to participate in the second annual SheSpeaks Global conference, a women’s empowerment movement founded by my friend and business partner, Chinaza Duson. Chinaza has had an incredible journey in her 40 years of life and she’s using her voice as an instrument to inspire and impact the lives of women around the world who believe they’ve lost their own voice. I’ve had the pleasure of serving as the publicist for this amazing movement since its inception last year and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to literally have a hand in lives being transformed for the better right before your eyes. Many of the women who attended last year came back with some powerful testimonials about how last year’s conference helped them to find their voice to do something extraordinary. One moment that stuck out to me the most was the testimony of Christina Serrano, who last year came as an attendee, full of tears at the conclusion, and came back as a powerful speaker on the main stage!

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L. Christina first sharing her story with Chinaza R. Christina sharing her story from the stage a year later

These two events got me thinking about the power of a testimony. There’s a saying that rings true, “You can’t have a testimony without first being tested.” I think it is one of the things that makes us all human, to be tested at some point in our lives. If you haven’t been tested, you just simply haven’t lived long enough right? I know this blog post has taken a shift but I promise I’m going somewhere with this. There is something about someone sharing a story of triumph over tragedy, faith over fear, progress over pain that inspires us to move. We all have a story to tell and the unfortunate thing is too many people are being quiet. Some of you reading this have a story to tell that will inspire someone to take a positive action in some way. You never know how your words might fall on someone else. It could mean the difference in something seemingly as insignificant as someone choosing a better health regimen or make the difference in who becomes the next President of the United States. Regardless of what you have to share, there’s power in your testimony and there’s someone waiting on you to speak up.

I’ve Been Gone For Too Long…

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

As I contemplated what to write after more than three weeks of being absent from Golden Life Musings, my brain cells took on a life of their own as they pumped the hook to Ciara’s “Gimme Dat” soundtrack in my head, and there has been no releasing it ever since. Have you ever gotten that one song in your head and no matter what you do, including playing other music, you cannot let it go? Yep, that’s me right now. But for me, as catchy as the song lyrics and beat are, it’s the feeling of what those song lyrics mean for me that’s taken a hold of me.

I grew up on stage and around music. From the time I was four, twirling around in my first tutu (See Beyond the Barre), into my late teens singing in a local girl group, I lived on the stage and I loved it. I also loved to write songs, some of which actually earned me some recognition in a couple of songwriting contests. And then life happened. We can also call it the realities of adulthood setting in. Sure, there are plenty of people who have pursued professional music careers into their adulthood; in fact, my two friends are some of them. However, the sad reality is many of us have done a dangerous thing with passions like this. We’ve set them off to the side and filed it away in the “someday I’ll get back to it” category and unfortunately, many never do. I’m a culprit of this and I did it with my music, a self-professed passion.

A little over a week ago, I appeared on stage again in a reunion tribute concert with that girl group I mentioned above, Visions, which was comprised of me and two of my childhood friends who performed together professionally in the D.C. area in the mid to late 90’s. Until that night, the three of us had not performed on stage together in 18 years. I can’t even believe I just wrote that. Now I’ve sung since then, even on stage, backing up both of those friends at various shows over the years, but not in a featured role. Admittedly, I had been hiding behind my some day until I finally became intentional about my someday becoming right now. All it took was a decision. I said to my girls, let’s do this…and we did.

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It felt good up there. As I was singing I started to wonder, why has it really been that long since I last performed? I offered up a bunch of excuses in my head, but after contemplating more on that after the performance, the only thing that made any sense for me was fear. Have you ever noticed, in general the older we get, the more fear we have? The fear of being judged, rejected and perhaps most of all, failing is so powerful. I wonder how many unrealized dreams, including my own, have been stopped by that one powerful emotion (See Why Won’t We Be Great).

The reality is as much as I love to sing and write music, I’ve done very little of that as an adult…until now, that is. In the words of Ciara, I think it’s time to bring it back…

See a link HERE of the Visions Reunion on May 19.

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Why won’t we be great?

Posted on by goldenlifemusings

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I absolutely love quotes. Every now and again one jumps out at me and won’t let me go like this one from Mr. Lois. This quote was hidden on the 110th page of the “On Passion” section of this month’s edition of Forbes magazine. Being an entrepreneur, I immediately thought about how this related to potential new business owners, but the more I thought about it, this quote is for every living human being. If I’ve learned one thing going into my twelfth year of being in business for myself, it’s that everyone isn’t made to be an entrepreneur. However, everyone was put here on Earth for a purpose and the sad reality is many people don’t even bother to discover what their purpose is, much less fulfill it. Many people wander through life settling for a mediocre existence, not because they weren’t born for something greater. More often times than not, it’s because of one simple yet powerful emotion, fear.

What is it that we are afraid of anyway? For some it may be failure, for others it may be success, but why is that? Is it because we are afraid of what others might think or say? If we all just accepted the reality that all of us are human and we all have something to be fearful of wouldn’t that be enough to motivate us pass the fears of others’ opinions? Maybe that’s not it. Perhaps it is the responsibility that comes along with being great that people fear.

In my line of work I get to talk to people every day about what we call a “WHY”. It can be an acronym for What Has You. Simply put, if you could have it your way and time and money were no issue, what would you be doing and who would you help? Frequently in those same conversations I hear the excuses people give themselves for why they can’t be great. They say they want more but they don’t have enough time or energy or resources to go after it. But is that the truth? Could it be that we are instead choosing to believe the lies our fears are telling us? I’ve come to the conclusion that it is the latter. Because if that were the case, if it really were a lack of time or resources or even opportunity, those who have come from literally nothing to go on and be a great success would not have been able to do it. I live for the success stories of people who literally had no other option but to win because it helps me take all my excuses off the table for why I can’t achieve my own greatness.

Going back to responsibility, I believe our job and responsibility as human beings is to first seek and understand God’s purpose for our lives and then live boldly in that purpose. Some of us have a purpose that is larger in scope than others but I refuse to believe that any of us were put here on this Earth to just survive. I get it. I once believed that I was more comfortable and safe collecting a paycheck every two weeks from a job I didn’t like in lieu of being in pursuit of my WHY. Then I had a mindset shift. I asked myself what if it’s even more dangerous to get to the end of life, which could be at any moment, and realize we didn’t do all we could to be great?

Here’s another pertinent quote: “Action cures fear.” Go out there and slay the dragons of mediocrity today by taking action towards your greatness.

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